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Johns Hopkins Supplement - "From Inspiration to Biochemistry"


Premed0 5 / 10 1  
Nov 23, 2012   #1
Please edit this essay for how well it answers the question and the overall strength of it. Thanks!!

Write a brief essay (250 words maximum) in which you respond to the following questions. (freshman applicants only):

Johns Hopkins offers 50 majors across the schools of Arts and Sciences and Engineering. On this application, we ask you to identify one or two that you might like to pursue here. Why did you choose the way you did? If you are undecided, why didn't you choose? (If any past courses or academic experiences influenced your decision, you may include them in your essay.)

As soon as I stepped into that ornate AP chemistry class junior year, I felt an everlasting bond form. The walls were ornamented with various posters for renowned, prominent scientists of their time and their accomplishments and a myriad of discoveries related to the field of chemistry. Of course being a young, pliable mind, I quickly became attached to the subject and felt a growing attraction as our Chemistry teacher preached of science's role in improving society. But alongside chemistry, biology also tugged at my premature interests. Biology with its heavily practical nature and tremendous scope, immediately fascinated me. Although many would consider my situation fortunate, I felt a looming inner conflict. Which was I to choose? But as soon as a representative from Johns Hopkins arrived at my high school, and I heard of the flexibility of each major and the possibility to concentrate on a narrowed interest within each major, I realized that John Hopkins would truly facilitate my interest in pursuing both Biology and Chemistry. At John Hopkins, I wish to major in Biology with a concentration in Biochemistry at the Bloomberg School of Public. Through this experience, I believe I will not only receive an unparalleled education in the sciences, but also do justice to my high school Chemistry and Biology teachers who sparked that interest and passion within me to not only learn for the sake of creating a future for myself, but also for the sake of bettering myself and mankind.

dumi 1 / 6,927 1592  
Nov 23, 2012   #2
As soon as I stepped into that ornate AP chemistry class junior year, I felt an everlasting bond form.

impressive : )

Of course being a young, pliable mind, I quickly became attached to the subject and felt a growing attraction as our Chemistry teacher preached of science's role in improving society.

another beautiful sentence.... You write so well : )

Although many would consider my situation fortunate, I felt a looming inner conflict.

-------- good point : )

I couldn't find any point in your writing for me to suggest further improvements... It is truely outstanding and I wish you every luck!

In fact I added this to my favorite collection of essays : )
TranLePhu 4 / 14 1  
Nov 23, 2012   #3
The walls were ornamented with various posters for renowned, prominent scientists of their time and their accomplishments and a myriad of discoveries related to the field of chemistry.

Excellent display of imagery here; it really sets the tone of the writing as well as allows the reader to essentially be in your shoes; nice job! :)

Although many would consider my situation fortunate, I felt a looming inner conflict; which was I to choose?

Good transition into the main topic of your supplement; although not necessary at all, perhaps replacing the period after "conflict" with a semi-colon would be a better choice? Seeing how the two sentences tie together, I believe a semi-colon would tie together the ideas solidly and thus make your ideas and transition flow more smoothly. :)
bellem1 6 / 12 2  
Nov 23, 2012   #4
John Hopkins would truly facilitate my interest

It's Johns Hopkins, not John Hopkins. Misspelling the name of the school in your essay will not get you in, I guarantee it.

At John Hopkins, I wish to major in Biology with a concentration in Biochemistry at the Bloomberg School of Public

Again with Johns/John Hopkins. Also, the Bloomberg School of Public what?

Overall this essay is well written but you have some mistakes that make it look like you don't care enough to proofread. My advice is to get someone else to read it who hasn't been looking at it the whole time and see what they come up with. I think you get your point across very eloquently and your ideas are good, but the essay needs some serious proofreading.
weeyizhi - / 38 8  
Nov 23, 2012   #5
As soon as I stepped into that ornate AP chemistry class junior year, I felt an everlasting bond forming .
It's near perfect. There's no need to change anything (for me at least). Good luck :)
OP Premed0 5 / 10 1  
Nov 23, 2012   #6
Thanks everyone for the serious editing! I didn't even realize I had misspelled Johns Hopkins. I wrote this in an hour and a half so I knew it was going to be messy but now I know how to polish it!


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