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Why Johns Hopkins - "The Profile of a Hopkin's Student"

iloveyogurt 9 / 17 5  
Dec 26, 2013   #1

Thank you very much for reading this essay. I took an a little unconventional approach and imagine myself a freshman at Johns Hopkins, and the essay is a profile of my freshman self with reflections of high school. I hope I make this clear enough in the intro, otherwise the essay might be a little confusing.

Johns Hopkins University was founded in 1876 on a spirit of exploration and discovery. As a result, students can pursue a multi-dimensional undergraduate experience both in and outside of the classroom. Given the opportunities at Hopkins, please discuss your current interests-academic or extracurricular pursuits, personal passions, summer experiences, etc.-and how you will build upon them here. (300-500 Word limit).

Resources for prospective applicant: The Profile of a Hopkin's Student

This is my second semester at Hopkins, and I have thoroughly enjoyed my time. If you are a humanities or a social & behavioral sciences student like me, don't be intimated by the popular "only-good-for-medicine" impression of Hopkins. In high school I had a broad range of interests in statistics, linguistics, philosophy, psychology, comparative literature, and cultural and gender studies, or I was just fascinated by life in general.

One of my favorite things to do during high school and even now is to observe people: how people of various races and ethnicities sit in the dining hall, how people of different genders view home cuisine, or how parents of varying socio-economic statuses educate children differently. I plan to develop my "observational skills" into formal research skills. I am applying for one of the research funding award that will allow to me pursue independent sociology research with a faculty member in my sophomore year, and Baltimore proves to be a great area for conducting such research. I want to research on how children of varying socio-economic status responds to unreasonable command and criticism, and this topic is actually inspired by my volunteer work with the JHU tutorial Project.

Since arriving at Hopkins, I have been working with the JHU Tutorial Project, which provides academic support for elementary students . In this upcoming summer, I am applying for the Community Impact Internships Program (CIIP) to gain experience in a paid, in-depth volunteer work. And this is another cool thing about Hopkins: we are incredibly committed to our local area. When I was in high school, I was the president of my school's community service club, a well - respected leadership position, and initiated many volunteer projects with local food pantries and senior centers. I believe that an institution is obligated to promoting the well - being of its immediate as well as global community. To that end I have always been trying to contribute my power through extensive volunteering.

In addition to volunteer opportunities, Hopkins provides abundant leadership opportunities. I aspire to participate in the Mentoring Assistance Peer Program (MAPP) program in my sophomore year, and become a positive influence to many incoming freshmen by helping to ease their transition here. A peer counselor at my private high school, I was formally trained to help new students transition into a boarding school experience and mediate peer conflicts. I thoroughly enjoyed the experience because it makes me feel an important part of this tight - knit community.

If you haven't realized this already, know that students here are extremely multi - faceted, and you will probably find yourself like many other students on campus in at least one, if not more, aspects. And if that still doesn't convince you to attend Johns Hopkins, please feel free to email me at ___________. (this is supposed to be my email address at Hopkins if I were a student there, but this forum doesn't allow links, so I put underscores there instead.)

SilverKnight 15 / 55 4  
Dec 26, 2013   #2
I suppose it would work. I mean it's pretty well written, but I'm not sure what the admissions officers will think of it. At the end of the day, the decision will come down to whether or not you believe the essay adequately shows the admissions staff who you are and what you are interested in. Also, it seems that you need to do more "showing" and less telling about yourself and your interests.

I hope I was helpful
Nabgyamfi 2 / 7  
Dec 26, 2013   #3
i didnt know what is soo special about john hopkins that attracted you to choose it.
you are concentrating more on your ambitions and goals or probably achievements.
tell them why u like john hopkins and how you can make the hopkin's community better.
quite a good essay. i hope i gave a good opinion.
good luck and merry christmas. i love your style.
olamide16 1 / 3  
Dec 26, 2013   #4
I like the approach you have taken with your essay but I think you need to revise the first paragraph. It's a little too broad. Also, you used the word in high school too many times, makes the essay sound like you are giving a chronological list of the things you did-like a resume. You should also include how participating in these ECs is helping you in Hopkins with your major (since this is the approach you started with). Make the tone of your essay more enthusiastic, like you are trying to convince me to come there, and you are actually LOVING your time at Hopkins.

But other than that, I think you have a pretty unique essay. I didn't catch any grammatical errors either.

Just my opinion, I'm not an essay expert.
Good luck!

Please look at my essays. Thanks.

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