So I just wrote my application essay for rutgers, but I'am not sure if it's any good. It has been awhile since I wrote something like this, because I just got back from basic training *joined the army*. So I would really enjoy if you anyone could read over and fix or tell me if it's good, etc. Thank you.
I was raised by my father a single parent, to become the best or put forth all the effort I can into what I want to do. As I grew up life was hard, because I lived in a place were kids were bullied for being different, but I stood my ground because I was also raised to stand for my beliefs. After putting forth my efforts in high school, it still wasn't enough to get the grades I want, so after high school I felt amiss, I didn't know what I wanted to do with my life, so I joined the army, hoping they could guide me. After going through 5 months of basic training, I came out and now have a full ride into almost any school of my choice, not only was this helpful for my future, but basic training also helped my become a better person, helping me pass the limits of my body, and push my mind to be the best and succeed at it in a fashionable manor.
Through the training I endured it helped me build character. I love to travel to new places, i'am currently trying to learn new languages, I play lots of sports and try my hardest to meet new people and befriend them, I stray away from problems. My friends always told me they felt I was the lion of the group because I was fearless and always lead the way, even if it was just walking to school, I have yet to experience any cultural environments, but hope that I can travel aboard to japan one day and live their one day. Rutgers has the stable environment and community it takes to succeed and I hope that i'll be able to join and add to it someday.
It's not convincing... what are the new languages?
The first paragraph seems like a big cliche about people being picked on for being different, etc., and... throughout the essay, you express indecision and lack of focus.
Make a plan, develop the plan by specifying 10 short term goals, and then explain the plan in this essay. That is your strategy. It is a way to make sure this is meaningful and substantial. I know it can be tough to write an essay like this after being away from academics for a few months, so I want to give you thins strategy:
1.) remember that you can have more than on career.
2.) choose one for now, and make a plan to excel in it.
3.) keep your options open, but write this essay as though you are determined and decisive.
The essay has to express one big message about your plan. Do not talk about having a full ride to any college, and do not just write everything that comes to mind. Decide what your message will be, and explain your plan in a professional, serious way. It is impossible if you have not made a plan for your future, but if you have a solid plan this is easy.
:-)
