Okay so this is for the common app essay option #1 "Evaluate a significant experience, achievement, risk you have taken, or ethical dilemma you have faced and its impact on you"
its 599 words right now but I'm not sure if its perfect to send yet. any guidance/suggestions would be greatly appreciated. Thanks!
It was a day like any other, or so I thought. I quietly sat at my desk with a pen in hand and listened to my teacher lecture, it was just another day in the fourth grade. As the minutes passed, my eye caught a glimpse through the window of the school band director walking towards our classroom. He made his way towards the front of the classroom and began to speak. He came to tell us about joining the school band. I thought nothing of it. He mentioned saxophone, violin, flute, clarinet, and then; he mentioned guitar. My eyes immediately lit up, he had my attention. I didn't know how to play the guitar back then, in fact, I didn't even know much about it. But as a young boy the thought of being able to play guitar attracted me.
It was strange. Before that day, I had absolutely no interest in music. My family would always ask, "What's your favorite song?" I would simply reply, "I don't like music." Whenever I went to my cousin's house he would always blast music in his room. I would constantly tell him to turn it down or sometimes even resort to turning it off myself. You might say I was not exactly musically enthusiastic.
But something changed that day in fourth grade. All the presumptions about music that I had in my head were gone. At that moment, the past remained in the past and all I could see was the future. I could see my hands pressing on the nickel strings, strumming down every single string to create a perfectly harmonious chord. I could see my hand moving slowly up and down the guitar neck, my fingers from fret to fret, playing notes and melodies like I had never imagined. That day I talked to the band director and decided to join the school band. I had never felt more motivated in my life. Little did I know, I was signing myself up for something much more than an extracurricular activity.
When I think back on these memories I cannot help but smile. Picturing the change from who I was before that day to who I am now always makes me giggle. Today, music is my life. It is in everything I do, everything I think, everything I say; it is everything. I'm sure if I could go back in time and visit that little fourth grader and tell him that one day all his dreams would revolve around music, I am sure he would laugh and say "yeah right." Not only was that day the reason I am as a musician, but it also helped create lifetime friendships with my other school band mates. I currently play in a band whose lead singer, funny enough, also signed up for the school band the same day as me. I love to look back at us as little ten year olds learning how to hold a guitar pick, to eighteen year olds composing and recording songs.
Some might say it was just another day in the fourth grade, but I would disagree. To me, it was much more than that. I found a hobby that quickly turned into a passion and I made friendships that are still special to this day, but most importantly, I found my calling, I found music. Through the ups and downs in life, I know that I have something that will bring a smile to my face, a glow to my eye, a burst of excitement through my veins, and I know it will, forevermore.
You write so well... the problem here is that they made you jump through their hoop, write about their topic, and that made it so that you had to write in a way you would not ordinarily write. You have passion about the guitar, but you would not naturally write about that day when the band director visited... of course that day was a milestone, but that does not make the first paragraph of your essay interesting. That first paragraph is boring. So I think you should BEGIN by saying the day you were introduced to guitar was a significant experience, and then proceed to make a whole essay all about the difficult-to-describe feeling of fulfillment that comes with that guitar trance...
:-)
Make it so that the answer to their question is given in the intro and then you write with passion, write freely, and if you have already answered their question in the intro it is okay to let yourself write the way YOU want to write about guitar.
