Josh Davis's influence on me/Common App Essay

Indicate a person who has had a significant influence on you, and describe that influence

I think my biggest issue is saying what I want to say concisely. I could go on and on about this person's impact on my life. My issue is that I'm already 45 words over the 500 word limit, and I'm worried some impact is lost in trying to fit everything in the essay. Please help me figure out how to get my ideas across in a more clear concise manner. Thank you!

Swimming is a huge part of my life. The sport has done a lot for me, and without it I probably wouldn't be the same person I am today. So in finding someone with the most impact on me it naturally is someone from the swimming world. Former American swimmer Josh Davis influenced my life both inside and outside the pool. I met Josh Davis at the Breakout Swim Clinic run by Mutual of Omaha. At the age of twelve I was just getting started in the sport. I had no idea who he was until he told us. Josh Davis's speech on how he got involved with swimming, how to really improve in the water, and on what it really meant to be a swimmer resonates with me to this day.

In Naperville most swimmers get their start at young ages such as six. So by starting at twelve I was a little behind the competition. So far behind kids who were nine were faster than me. I wasn't sure how long I was going to swim for. I tried many sports but nothing seemed to fit. Then Josh Davis told me about the start of his swimming career. He told me he started when he was thirteen trying out for his local high school team. The coach told him to quit and go find another sport because he sure wasn't a natural swimmer. Obviously Josh didn't quit and went on to win three gold medals in the Olympics. I never had any stand out natural talent in any sport. Josh told me I didn't need to rely on talent; I could work hard for success. I've applied this to all areas of my life not just swimming.

Josh didn't just teach me I could work hard and get better. He also told me how to work my hardest and most effectively. He told me it's not enough to just work hard. To get better you have to learn too. Josh taught me if something in the water isn't working, you're not going fast or it's too hard just slow down and think about what you really need to do. Make sure you're doing in right. I keep using Josh's approach of taking the time to learn how to do things I may not understand or do correctly to help me become a better student, athlete, and person.

At the end of the clinic with Josh he told us "What's most important is to show up, swim the best you can, and have fun." To me this is what it truly means to be a swimmer. Josh means you have to show up mentally as well as physically, always try your hardest, and enjoy what you do. I've adopted this motto and it's really helped me to become a better athlete.

Swimming wouldn't be a part of who I am if it weren't for Josh Davis. Speaking with him changed not only how I approached swimming but also how I approached any challenges I met and will meet in life. By inspiring me to keep going even though I was behind, to slow down and learn, and to enjoy what I work hard at Josh Davis taught me how to always do my best.

With your a cap on your word count I tried to only correct and/or modify sentences if it would result in less words.That's why I didn't even touch your last two paragraphs. I hope this is helpful.

Swimming is a huge part of my life. The sport has done a lot for me, and without it I probably wouldn't be the person I am today. So in finding someone with the most impact on me it naturally is someone from the swimming worldI would try to reword that sentence, it's a bit awkward . Former American swimmer Josh Davis influenced my life both inside and outsideof the pool. I met Josh Davis at the Breakout Swim Clinic run by Mutual of Omaha. At the age of twelve I was just getting started in the sport. I had no idea who he was until he told us. Josh Davis's speech on how he got involved with swimming, how to really improve in the water, and on what it really meant to be a swimmer resonates with me to this day.

In Naperville, most swimmers get their start at ages as young as six. So by starting at twelve I was a little behind the competition.So far behind kids who were nine were faster than me.<----What are you trying to say? I wasn't sure how long I was going topursue swimingfor . I tried many other sports but nothing seemed to fit. Then Josh Davis told me howabout the start of his swimming career began . He told mesaid he started when he was thirteen and trying out for his local high school team. The coach told him to quit and go find another sport because he sure wasn't a natural swimmer. Obviously Josh didn't quit and went on to win three gold medals in the Olympics. I was never gifted atnever had any stand out natural talent in any sport. Josh told me I didn't need to rely on talent; I could work hard for success. I've applied this to all areas of my life not just swimming.