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My journey to changing the world - Common App


angelalp19 1 / 5  
Dec 15, 2011   #1
Evaluate a significant experience, achievement, risk you have taken, or ethical dilemma you have faced and its impact on you.

It was sad. I had poured my heart and soul into this for a year, putting in extra effort to make up for being so young. I nearly emptied my shelves for the book drive, coordinated the drop off and transportation, and headed the marketing/sales division of the benefit concert. When they finally asked me, a freshman, to be secretary-treasurer of Amnesty International over the upperclassmen I was ecstatic. But as I sat there a few months later watching our new advisor pass out paper for letter-writing I felt utterly trapped. All of the dynamism and action that I had fallen in love with was gone. There were people all over the world in need of help now, help I knew I couldn't give by writing letters. As impressive as it would have been, I didn't march to the principal's office that day and demand a new club be formed. The process took time and I asked for many opinions before I finally took the risk and Raiders Reaching Out began in September 2010.

Not everybody was receptive to my idea at first. When I first inquired about starting the club in guidance, I was told that there were already plenty of clubs that I could join and suggest my ideas to, like Amnesty International. Being stubborn certainly has its drawbacks, but in this case I'm proud of my determination and unwillingness to settle. I spent hours writing a very passionate email to my principal who, as it turns out, completely supported my idea.

Since it started, RRO has continually tested my resolve. I had a million ideas, forty students with different passions and skills, and thousands of causes that needed attention. I can recall late nights finishing posters or organizing workshop supplies, the clock shining a glaring red 3:00 into my blinking eyes. My car has become the club bus service, transporting a combination of high school students, groceries, and craft supplies at all times. Along with my taxi duties, I've become a professional at multi-tasking: running between classes to talk to the principal or our club advisor or reviewing solubility rules in my head while stocking food at the pantry.

Still, struggle has allowed for incredible success. Our local food pantry, which in the past has been unable to maintain a steady supply of food, has not seen an empty shelf in almost a year. Through workshops we've held, with profits totaling over $5000 to date, five local families were able to put presents under their Christmas trees. By the end of the year we had run a total of 11 fundraisers or events.

Out of all the lives this club has changed, however, it has definitely affected me the most. The word change probably isn't the most accurate; it gives the impression that I'm a different person than I once was. My morals, values, and regard for others are still intact, but how I exemplify those things in my life has evolved. I've realized that thoughts and words are a necessary foundation, but only actions can make dreams a reality. I'm no longer afraid to do what I know is right, even if I'm the only one doing it. Most importantly, there's a new fire inside of me and any doubts that lingered before are long gone. I can and will change the world.

hs61 1 / 5  
Dec 15, 2011   #2
I love it! I honestly wouldn't change a thing!!(:

please take a look at my essay?(:
gkim2719 - / 6  
Dec 15, 2011   #3
I loved this from start to finish!
It's clear that you truly put in all your effort into this club and it's made a profound impact on your character.
You seem like a very driven and passionate person :)

Hope you can read over my common app essay?
arnela123 2 / 13  
Dec 15, 2011   #4
love your ending! you really told them who you are, nice job.
make sure you identify RRO in the beggining ebfore you use it in the 3rd parag- finally took the risk and Raiders Reaching Out (RRO)began in September 2010.
kayleighlevitt 5 / 8  
Dec 15, 2011   #5
Yes, yes you will. That's all I can say.
Daybreak 3 / 32  
Dec 15, 2011   #6
Being stubborn certainly has its drawbacks, but in this case I was proud of my determination and unwillingness to settle (for what? the other programs? their advice?.)

However, out of all the lives this club has changed, it has definitely affected me the most (the subject is 'the lives,' you can't suddenly change it to meaning the club. Maybe; mine has been changed the most, mine was the most affected, etc.)

The word change probably isn't the most accurate. (You could also make it: "The word "change" might not be the most accurate" or ""Change" might not be the most accurate word."

but the way I exemplify those things in my life has evolved.
sanjain 1 / 1  
Dec 16, 2011   #7
Nice essay :)

"I spent hours writing a very passionate email to my principal who, as it turns out, completely supported my idea. "
I would suggest to change word passionate to something like convincing or persuasive. Not only since it doesn't seem apt but also you have used passion once more in your essay.< forty students with different passions and skills >

If I am not wrong,to be consistent with the past tense in this sentence you should use " as it turned out" not "as it turns out".

Also check tense consistency here in the paragraph:

"My car has become the club bus service, transporting a combination of high school students, groceries, and craft supplies at all times"

I guess u need to use My car had or else you should add "Now, My car has become"

I'm no longer afraid to do what I know is right, even if I'm the only one doing it ->
I'm no longer afraid to do what I know is right, even if that means I have to stand up against everyone"

"Out of all the lives this club has changed, however, it has definitely affected me the most"

Is usage for affect correct? I guess affect has negative connotation. Please check dictionary.

Hope it helps..thanks.


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