"My journey from dark to light" - an accomplishment or event

Discuss an accomplishment or event, formal or informal, that marked your transition from childhood to adulthood within your culture, community, or family.

My journey from dark to light.

Years before writing this essay I was completely out of the way laying miles away from my innate goal, lost in human maze as a typical Third-World Teenager .In this period of time between 13 years old to 16, I lost my vision and I felt like I am in the middle of a long maze. A bitter sense inside my heart says that I will never see Dawn.

My hunger to science especially physics was early, long before, since childhood. All my life was (and still) physics weeks, days and hours are filled with physics and nothing but physics. I was breathing physics and living with physics. In fact, When I was 14 I designed a mechanical system that distribute perfectly the irrigation water in our land, then, I propose it to the peasants unfortunately they refuse it far from reality regarding the money and scientific experience. Maybe it seems that this period of life is paving my way to success but it's not... Projects are dreams. These dreams are far from materialization in a half- illiterate society where people can barely write not to mention understanding physics notions. I end up finally by giving up thinking that it's my fate. I finish dramatically by neglecting English, focusing on physics, turning into a goalless person.

Suddenly a huge bomb exploded in my life razing my old beliefs, disillusions and fear. I came across a famous books informing about US Universities, their ability to hold a community for all over the world, their pioneer researches programs and their high level of studying. I found that as a panacea for wounds, so, I decided to apply for Universities where dreams came true. It seems like winter has passed away from my life and my heart started to bloom. But, after little moments of joy, Drama starts again. I realized that I am weak in English and so it's impossible to achieve the dream of admission in prestigious US Universities. For me, it was an optional language and I didn't pay it too much attention.

Your essay is quite long and becomes tedious to read. I edited it for you and shortened it so that it would concentrate only on the essay prompt. I hope that you won't mind the revisions and changes that I made. These are only suggestions for you to follow. The final choice of what to keep or delete is up to you :-) Remember, the first rule of writing an essay response is to KISS it. - Keep It Short Silly :-) Too many words may make it flowery and nice, but does not necessarily add to the content and essence of the paper. That is what i hope to have shown you with the changes I made :-)


- Innate means something inborn so you used the word in the wrong context
- ... felt like I was in the middle...inside my heart said that ...

- My hunger for science, specially physics began early in ... I spent the early years of my life immersed in the world of sciences and physics, living and breathing from moment to moment. .. I designed a mechanical system that perfectly distributed irrigation water within our land. I tried to propose the use of my mechanical arm to the other farmers but did not succeed in getting it financed due to my lack of scientific experience. I believe that this period in my life paved my way towards loftier dreams and projects. While still far from realizing those dreams due to the drawbacks of a half-illiterate society, I found myself losing hope and letting of my dreams. I failed academically in English because I focused on trying to hold on to my dreams related to physics.

- As I slowly succumbed to darkness in other aspects of my life, an avenue of hope and enlightenment came my way. I learned about the U.S. universities and how they welcome students from all over the world. I was impressed by the pioneering research programs the universities had in the world of science. I had finally found the world where I knew I belonged and longed to be accepted in. Finally, I would be able to get my life back on track. I began applying to U.S. universities and waited for the results with great anticipation. But then I began to realize that my disregard towards my English classes just might hold me back from achieving my dreams in the U.S. All because I considered it an optional language and therefore unimportant. Now that I am faced with the challenge of improving my English skills within one year, I have resolved to work hard at accomplish that task. I had enough time to do that. Learning the correct use of the English language would help me fulfill my dreams and achieve my goals. After completing my personal challenge, I am not surer than ever that I am ready for the academic challenges of American universities.

- I had to work and study at the same time in order to earn the money to take the English exams in the capital. I challenged myself to do this because I knew that my future depended upon it. I struggled to find the perfect job that would allow me to study and work in a flawless manner. Little did I know that my epiphanies held the key towards my finding the light in my life. Both the good and bad experiences, the dark and the light, combined to help me reach a level of maturity that i would not have achieved had I not fallen by the wayside. Now, I am more hardworking and responsible than ever. Eager to prove to the world and my family that I am no longer the troubled teen they thought would end up wasted. I now have the ability to prove to them that anybody can come back from the dark side of their lives.

it's too long i was like reading a novel.
Minimize repetition of words.

vangiespen

Thank you very much for helping me..!!!

- From the age of 13 -16, I had lost sight of my goal in life...dawn.All because I felt like a failure in achieving my academic ambitions and goals .


- letting go of my dreams


- Having faced the challenge of... work hard at accomplishing ... I devoted daytime to my... I am still not sure that I am...


- and proved to myself and to them ... the heart is all that matters ...

Aside from these few corrections, I believe the essay is ready for submission :-) Of course that is if you agree with my opinion ;-) Excellent revision!

Thank ou you are really helpful
I am kinda relieved ... some stress go away at least

thanks a lottttttt !!!!