My Journey as a Fighter. College essay, topic of choice.

POW! POW! WHAM! I begin to feel the warmth of blood rushing through my nose and into my mouth. I tuck my chin to spit. Heat begins generating through my veins. The feeling is incredible. At the most, I feel a little uneasy about this sparring session. My opponent is a boxer and is very quick on his hands and feet. I come from a wrestling and Brazilian Jujitsu background, where I rely on my grappling and take downs. I know we both have our strengths and weaknesses. It is the matter of how I am going to execute my grappling against his striking. This is where two worlds collide. This is the world of mixed martial arts.

Mixed martial arts (MMA) is a sport that requires the use of the mind, body, and drive. It's a sport that tests an individual's mental tenacity through physical demands. Each practice introduces a new struggle to beat last practice's maximum output. The struggles in life and the struggles in MMA have a common bond. Overcoming the struggle makes us stronger. A common struggle for many young mixed martial artists is how one will learn to become a top fighter at the legal age of eighteen. Doing anything from competing in a Jujitsu tournament to adding an extra hour at practice will help get a young fighter ready. The older guys at my gym train day in and day out. As I watch them sprint to the cage, I just imagine myself in their shoes. I remember when they were like me, young and anxious to get into the cage. I wonder how it feels to have over 300 people cheering or booing you on. How will it feel to have all eyes on you? I close my eyes and vision that day. There is, however, a problem. Something is missing. That something is my dad.

My dad was a Muay Lao kick boxer as a prisoner of war. The Vietnam War demanded a lot of refugees from South East Asia. Learning to kick box was a form of combat and self defense. Every prisoner's routine consisted of kick boxing, drugs, and alcohol consumption. My father used all three to cope with his emotions. Unfortunately, its effects resulted in his ill and weak state. At first, it was something I wanted to try because of how my father fought with his bare hands and feet through out most of the war, but then it became a way to channel my emotions. When he found out I had begun training to fight, his addictions were terminated. I believe he saw a little bit of himself in me, since we both committed to fighting during our teen years. Looking out from the cage and not seeing the person who inspires me to fight would be heart breaking.

The road to becoming a fighter is no easy road. Times when it gets rough and it feels as I am losing my way, I follow a saying of my own as a compass. "Making excuses for losing a fight you haven't fought yet, is a definite way to never becoming champion." I haven't stepped into the cage yet, but I know I have already faced the biggest fight of my life. My dad's addiction took a part of him away from me. Beginning my fighting career inspired him to get healthier and be there for on the day of my fight. I will fight through injuries and fatigue. I will take on anyone with whom the cage I am locked in the cage with. No fighter, could compare to my dad, healthy, and watching me from ring side.

Feel free to write anything and add as much constructive criticism as needed. I need this essay to be really good, thanks!

First of all, I thought that your essay was intensely engaging because you deal with unique subjects, but in some parts I feel like it's almost too intense.

For example, your first sentences: "I begin to feel the warmth of blood rushing through my nose and into my mouth. I tuck my chin to spit."

This grabs my attention immediately but I don't know if it's in a good way or a bad way. It feels kind of scary, and that's the way I feel throughout your essay.

In order to conquer this, I feel like I need more explanation in this essay as to how this sport is healthy for your mind and body because right now it sounds rather pointless to be beating up people or getting beat up in a cage.


This is good. More explanation would be better.

Overall, your essay talks about two things: MMA and your dad's addictions. I want more of your input. How it effects you in more detail. I think that the segment about your dad has more potential than the description of MMA.

If you just worked off of this and put more of why it effects/changed you I feel like you will have a really strong essay. You can add you experiences with MMA along with it. How does MMA define you? How does your father define you? How does it help you channel your emotions? Hopefully it's in a way that makes you stronger.