Hi All,
I am open to all changes and any help will be very much appreciated, thank you in advanced.
As I journey through life I often asked myself, "What is my life purpose? What are the reasons I was put here on earth? And what can I do now that will truly make me feel that my life has been fulfilled?" As I started to ask myself these questions, answers start to come from different directions and in many forms that I just don't understand.
For example, sometime ago I had found online a video called, "Ambition to Meaning," by Dr. Wayne Dyer. The clip was about a homeless man who came across a very rich man sitting on a park bench. This man was feeling miserable because he had just had an argument with his wife at a restaurant. She was mad and left him stranded because she has taken off with his wallet, cell phone, and car. As the homeless man sat besides this man, he asked him if he had any money. The rich man just looked away and didn't answer. Then the beggar said, "God bless you." Out of confusion, the rich man said, "What? Why did you say that, I didn't even give you any money. Do you? I need to call a cab." Without hesitation, the homeless man gave him some cans and told him to put it in the machine close by for money. This scene touched me because it reminded me that even through tough times, human beings can be good to each other, because even a homeless man with very little to give can show kindness to another and not wanting anything back in return. Even though he knows he may never see that rich man ever again. This changed my perception of people and from then on, made me more open to helping others.
Another example is when I was surfing the Internet and I came across a song called "We are the world" by Michael Jackson, featuring various other artists. As the chorus goes, "We are the world. We are the children. We are the ones who make a brighter day, so let's start giving. There's a choice we're making, we're saving our own lives. It's true we'll make a better day, just you and me." And as I listened to the lyrics, it touched me in so many ways because this reminded me of the video before of the homeless man helping the rich man. This helped me to decide that I wanted to join the Peace Corps because I knew now what I needed to do for myself to be happier, and that is to help others who need me.
I also remember a time when I was just a child growing up in Stockton, CA. Stockton isn't known for their wealthy neighborhood, but rather how many crimes are committed there each year so growing up was really tough for me because of all of the temptations to do bad deeds. Well, one day a few church members came to my home during the Christmas season and they gave my family a bag full of donated clothes. I will never ever forget that moment because during the time, I only had two pairs of clothes that I wore to school every single day and my family hardly ever had time to wash them. Receiving that bag of clothes was like hitting the jackpot for us, because no person has ever shown my family that much generosity.
Since then my siblings have grown up and have families of their own. I'm currently in college, studying towards my degree in accounting and marketing. We aren't as bad off as we were when we were younger. But today, just like everyone else in this economy, we are all struggling. And as I can see my graduation date is nearing, I feel that I have to do something that will not just help me, but help others as well. I am determined to make my time with the Peace Corps a very special time for myself and for others.
As a strong individual coming from a University like Sac State, I have learned through much experience and contact with others to be responsible for all of my actions. I believe that fulfilling the criteria of the Peace Corps Core Expectations will not be a problem for me because of my life experiences. They have given me the opportunity to look at every situation and access the situation accordingly. Because of this, I am able to make the right decisions very quickly. There is no doubt that I will be a representative of the United States, and I wouldn't ask for any less because I have a great respect for our country and cannot see myself destroying that image while in another country. Because of my need to care for others in need, I will have no problem with any assignment that is given to me as well as being respectful to the natives of the countries that I plan to assist. The hardest thing for me is knowing that I will be away for 27 months from my friends and family. But knowing that I will be doing something greater, being a part of changing people lives gives me the strength to carry on during the 27 months. Pretty much, the people that I come into contact with will become my substitute family during this 27 month period.
I believe that my life has been blessed in so many ways, and now I would like to give back as much as I can while I still can. The greatest gift of all for me is to be able to help people in need, whether it's in a third world country or a more developed nation, though I feel as if could be of more useful in Asia because of my cultural background. I have gained valuable experience while working and attending college at Sac State. I believe I have a great deal to contribute to the people with whom I will be living and working with. Because of my experience and interest in helping others, as well as my sense of humor and creative energy, I am confident I will be an asset to the Peace Corps and all of the people that I will be helping. Some of my strongest traits are that I am outgoing, people oriented, and I communicate well with others. I am also very enthusiastic, loyal, learn quickly, and have a strong desire to excel. I am very confident that I will make a significant contribution to the communities that I come across. I look forward for the opportunity to make my dreams of helpings others come true.
called,
called "Ambition [..]
"We are the world"
"We Are the World"
Stockton isn't known for their wealthy neighborhood
Stockton isn't known for being a wealthy area
pairs
outfits
Pretty much,
This sounds too informal.
Narith, this is a really great essay. I got a good feeling for who you are through this essay, and I think the people with the organization will, too. My favorite part was reading about the homeless man; you do a good job of summarizing a touching story in a way that the reader understands its impact on you. Good luck.
This is a place to use a dash instead of letting one of the sentences be incomplete:
anything back in return -- even though he knows he may never see that rich man ever again.
"Ambition to Meaning" --- this sounds like a concept by Frankl from his book about logotherapy. He writes about a "will to meaning" similar to Nietzche's "will to power."
This is an impressive essay, and it is really nice that you are so focused on service. Thanks for making the world a better place! Your writing style does not have many errors, but in some places you don't need to use so many words. For example:
For example, sometime ago I had found online a video called, one video clip within Dr. Wayne Dyer's "Ambition to Meaning," was about a homeless man who...
I believe that f Fulfilling the criteria of the Peace Corps Core Expectations will not be a problem for me because of my life experiences.
I believe that m My life has been blessed in so many ways, and now I would like to give back as much as I can while I still can. am able to do so.
:-)
In terms of answering those specific questions, I think you've pretty much nailed them with your personal accounts. I can clearly get a sense of why you want to be in the Peacecorps and that it is definitely reflected from your previous experiences. You also touch upon the potential challenges that lay ahead being part of Peacecorps. Overall all a great essay and I hope all the best for your future endeavors.
With that said, I do want to bring up the last sentence of your first paragraph where it says "As I started to ask myself these questions, answers start to come from different directions and in many forms that I just don't understand." I think you meant to imply how all these various expereinces came together and it is overwhelming how they've all guided you to the similar path (i.e. joining peacecorps) I would avoid saying "i don't understand", rather, it might be better to say something like "from these experiences, I was able to realize..."
Hope this helps and good luck,
David
Kevin and David,
I wanted to say thank you so much for taking the time to help improve my essay, I will take everything you both said into consideration and make changes. Thanks for the compliment, it means a lot. Would you guys or anybody know a book or website I can go to improve my writing, thank you.
