Hi,
I have been working on this text for quite a while now and I don't know if it is what they expect or if it is any good. Any criticism is welcome, I really want this to be as good as possible!
Thank you for your time!
ESSAY
I remember my father working on an opened computer case. I would observe him from afar. I never interrupted him as it seemed he was performing brain surgery. Yet, I craved to know more. I have always been fascinated by computers. I recall being in awe of something as simple as characters appearing on the screen of our, now old, IBM personal computer. I could not have been happier when he offered to build with me my first computer when I was twelve. I was finally given access to a world I could not wait to explore. Since then, I developed a passion for computer science and anything computer-related, and it only grew stronger after I left France for the United States.
After high school graduation, I was lacking math courses and therefore was advised to join the cinematography major at the Paris 8 university. I tend to be on the artistic side: I draw, paint, play music and thought it would be a great experience. Unfortunately it turned out to be a huge disappointment and only reinforced my desire to explore the computer science major. I then realized it was the perfect occasion to do so abroad. I have always wanted to live in the United States, where my father comes from, to experience it on my own. So after leaving the university I worked full-time for a year, saved up money for the trip and did the necessary planning. I settled for Victoria, Texas, where my father's family lives. It allowed me to benefit from my family's support for a smoother cultural transition. I then registered for the AAS program in Web Page/Digital Multimedia and Information Resources Design at The Victoria College.
About a year and a half later, I can say that going to The Victoria College was not only a wonderful experience but also an eye-opener. I thoroughly enjoyed my classes, with a preference for the college algebra, logic fundamentals and java programming classes. Because of my background in art I never perceived myself as overly logical. Therefore I did not have high expectations and was pleasantly surprised by the coursework. In fact, I found a true passion in programming and decided to learn the C# programming language outside of class. But more importantly, this overall experience helped me pinpoint the career that I will be seeking: software engineer. To achieve this goal will require me to obtain a bachelor degree in computer science. I cannot think of a better place than the University of Texas at Austin to do so.
I feel The Department of Computer Sciences within the College of Natural Sciences would be a perfect fit for me. Throughout my studies, I proved to be a well-organized and logical person. Those skills translated into an aptitude for code writing and debugging. Moreover, my art background provides me with a unique approach to problem-solving. Also, I believe that being bilingual and having dual citizenship and the cultural differences that come with it give me an uncommon perspective on how we relate to the world that surrounds us. I want to put these abilities to the test.
As a video games aficionado I have great interest in artificial intelligence and 3D graphics. For that reason the neural networks research group's work on the NERO platform and the computer graphics laboratory's research on real-time graphics and parallel systems have sparked my curiosity. I would also be thrilled to be a part of undergraduate research classes like Dr.Miikkulainen's computational intelligence in game design. I believe such challenges will not only help me to master, but to fructify the aptitudes necessary to become a successful software engineer.
It always seemed obvious to me that I would study computer science and have a career in this field. I had my father to look up to. He transmitted to me the passion necessary to arrive here. Now that I am about to graduate with an AAS, I could look back and say I have wasted some time, but this has been my journey in finding what I have a passion to do. I want to look at the future, hopeful to become part of one of the top computer science program in the nation. But no matter what I say I need to prove my worth. I expect to be challenged and I am ready to work harder than ever. Because I know that I possess the direction and determination necessary to succeed, to change the world, one code line at a time.
Glad you liked it! I thought I did state it but I think you're right. I did say I want to become a software engineer but not what I would be doing as one. I'm not quite sure how I am going to integrate this but I'll find a way!
And thanks for the quick response, keep the criticism flowing!
My only question is what is it that you want to do with computers? You should add that into your essay.
Agreed, like the essay as a whole but definitely need to be more detailed with you want to accomplish. For example ignore my arrogance with computer sciences; You want to pursue it so you can write secure network code to create a environment so that online transactions can flourish when customers know their accounts are secure.
something like that I guess.
Good luck to you keep posting the updated version so we can further improve an already great essay.
I could not have been happier when he offered me to build my first computer at age when I was twelve.
I was finally given access to a world I could not wait to explore. -------- good sentence!!
Since then, I developed an ever-growing a passion for computer science and anything computer-related, and it only grew stronger after I left France for the United States. ---- I crossed out that "ever growing" part because I think it was a little too much.
Also, I believe that being bilingual and having dual citizenship and the cultural differences that come with it give...
... me an uncommon look on perspective on how [things and people articulate and interact with each other] can you come up with a better ending for this sentence ?.
This really has some refreshing seriousness, straightforwardness and honesty.
Your essay is really good, but you should include within the essay a section about research opportunities that interest you or degree programs that would benefit you. Do a little bit of research on programs in UT Austin and even on some professors whom you would like to be taught by, or work with in the various programs.
