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"Journey of Understanding" - Common app Personal essay



Coolduckz 1 / -  
Oct 29, 2022   #1
Hello all,
This is a draft of my personal statement essay for the common application. I would appreciate some feedback on it as well as some constructive criticism.

JOURNEY OF UNDERSTANDING



My intellectual drive has always been to learn more to better my community.

My favorite books have inspired various emotions including George Orwell's "1984" which left a strong impression on me. I learned how social norms work and the concept of expression in society. The imagery presented in this book left an undeniable impression on me that I began to nurture a desire to create my own book.

The books I enjoy the most help inspire me to do more than I think I would be able to.

In my home country of Nigeria many people with learning disabilities are often neglected and seen in unfavorable light. I first noticed this when one of my relatives with dyslexia, Ade, often felt isolated when in social gatherings. To a large extent he was avoided and ignored by friends and extended family so much so that he'd isolate himself entirely. I felt he was treated unfairly by people that should have loved and accepted him the most as they were family members. The interactions I had with him were filled with miscommunication, and my relationship with him wasn't as close as I wished it could be. Even though I tried to include him in activities and conversations, his self-imposed isolation made inclusion difficult.

This summer Ade and so many others like him weighed heavily on my mind. Those few awkward and artless interactions always stuck with me. Therefore, in an effort to prompt awareness, I later went on to self-author a children's book called "Jack in the Shack." The book was aimed at children following a character called "Jack," a child with learning disabilities, in his pursuit of his passion for coding. The project included illustrations I made single handedly from plentiful online research, references from authors and from my personal art portfolios I had completed at school. I shared rough drafts with Mrs. Pope, a close teacher of mine to receive feedback.

While it was still in draft, I emailed my aunt, Seun, Ades mom, to show him the draft. He shared his excitement of the storyline because he's personally intrigued by technology. However, after the book was completed, it dawned on me that while my work was interesting and certainly educational, it did not aid the preexisting perceptions of those with learning disabilities, nor did it discuss ways to combat these viewpoints or make a difference in the lives of people affected.

My pride in my research waned into disappointment and a sense of helplessness. But over the next several days, I realized that while I didn't make a world-altering discovery, I could write, and it may be possible to impact others, however slightly, with that gift.

There is still much I need to learn but my best contributions come from patient devotion to a clear cause. I truly hope the message of the book at its core reaches anyone in a similar situation or at least provides a basic understanding to parents especially in the third world who still see learning disabilities in children as a disadvantage or a bad omen.

With further knowledge and experience in my course of study, Computer Science, I'll be even more equipped to provide a beneficial digital experience that can support children from all walks of life. "Jack in the Shack '' was a beginning for what I hope to accomplish next.

All in all, this experience can be summed up by Ralph Waldo Emerson's cliché quote: "It's not about the destination, it's about the journey."

Thanks for taking the time to read and comment!

Holt  Educational Consultant - / 15415  
Oct 29, 2022   #2
Which of several common app essay prompts is this essay supposed to respond to? Since you did not provide the prompt question, I am unable to review this based on specific prompt guidelines. As far as I can tell, this essay will only work for the open topic presentation which is often the go to essay for students who do not have any impressive background to share with the reviewer. While this is impressive in the sense that writing is a personal affair for you, I fail to see how it helped build your character, inspire a change due to a significant event, or other aspects that the common app prompts often discuss. I can offer a more solid review only after I know what prompt you are trying to respond to.


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