So I just finished my common application essay but i feel like it's not really good. PLease read it and be honest :)
Prompt : Discuss some issue of personal, local, national, or international concern and its importance to you.
Against All Odds
,,We can never judge the lives of others, because each person knows only their own pain and renunciation. It's one thing to feel that you are on the right path, but it's another to think that yours is the only path." - Paulo Coelho. Even though Paulo's words are widely known, most people don't act upon it. People judge others based on just a peek of who they really are. They rely on first impressions, or preconceptions, and are not willing to look beyond their prejudices.
Many people don't take the time to think about the problems others might be facing under the surface. They only see the wealth, privileges, and social status and tend to believe that everyone else's life is perfect and often reach the conclusion that their own life is worthless and they immerse in self-pity. They take the easy way out, and instead of dealing with their own and achieve the life they wish for, they spend their time envying the people around them.
On the contrary, there are other members of society whom we always underestimate because current situation. Most people don't care why the other person is in that situation, they just judge. There are so many people who are labeled and can't break out of it; high school drop-out is dumb, a homeless is lazy, and everyone who wasn't fortunet enough to grow up in a traditional household is judge based on circumstances, which they are not even responsible for many times. But we can't let others define us and influence our attitude towards ourselves. We have to see the values we have and our potentials. To reach our goals we have to show others that we are capable of something worthy. We can't let other people discourage us from pursuing our dreams and have to fight the preconceptions. It doesn't matter if first we fail, as long as we keep trying; because as Ralph Waldo Emerson said, ,, Our greatest glory is not in never failing, but in rising up every time we fail.
If people look at me, they only see a high school drop-out with no hope for a better future. But what they don't see are the struggles I went through, the challenges I had to face and how hard I worked to get through all the obstacles life has thrown in my way. Even though I overcame most of these difficulties, I still have to fight against the judgments I receive from those close-minded people for whom life handed everything.
I had to face a lot of challenges in the past few years, and I also made many mistakes. But i learned from every mistake, and every hardship I had to deal with in my life. I realized, that no matter what others think of me won't change the fact that I know that my willingness, determination and endurance will help me keep fighting and rise against all odds.
Many people don't take the time to think about the problemsthat others might be facinghiding under the surface.
They only see the wealth, privileges, and social status and tend to believe that everyone else's life is perfect and often reach the conclusion that their own life is worthless and they immerse in self-pity.
This sentence needs some clarity, it is a bit too long... maybe you should shorten this.
They take the easy way out, and instead of dealing with their own problems and achieving the life they wish for, they spend their time envying the people around them.
On the contrary, there are other members of society whom we always underestimate because current situation.
You may want to say it like this: "Some members of society are typically underestimated due to their current situation."
There are so many people who are permanently labeled,and can't break out of it;such as high school drop-outsisare dumb, a homeless person is lazy, and everyone who wasn't fortunate enough to grow up in a traditional household.is judge based on circumstances, which they are not even responsible for many times.
This sentence is also too long. The part I crossed out is repetitive.
Thank you so much for your help
So here is the revised version
Against All Odds
,,We can never judge the lives of others, because each person knows only their own pain and renunciation. It's one thing to feel that you are on the right path, but it's another to think that yours is the only path." - Paulo Coelho. Even though Paulo's words are widely known, most people don't act upon it. People judge others based on just a peek of who they really are. They rely on first impressions, or preconceptions, and are not willing to look beyond their prejudices.
Many people don't take the time to think about the problems others might be hiding under the surface. They only see the wealth, privileges, and social status and tend to believe that everyone else's life is perfect and often reach the conclusion that their own life is worthless and they immerse in self-pity. They take the easy way out, and instead of dealing with their own problems and achieving the life they wish for, they spend their time envying the people around them.
On the contrary some members of society are typically underestimated due to their current situation.. Most people don't care why the other person is in that situation, they just judge. There are so many people who are permanently labeled, such as high school drop-outs are dumb, a homeless person is lazy, and everyone who wasn't fortunate enough to grow up in a traditional household. But we can't let others define us and influence our attitude towards ourselves. We have to see the values we have and our potentials. To reach our goals we have to show others that we are capable of something worthy. We can't let other people discourage us from pursuing our dreams and have to fight the preconceptions. It doesn't matter if first we fail, as long as we keep trying; because as Ralph Waldo Emerson said, ,, Our greatest glory is not in never failing, but in rising up every time we fail.
If people look at me, they only see a high school drop-out with no hope for a better future. But what they don't see are the struggles I went through, the challenges I had to face and how hard I worked to get through all the obstacles life has thrown in my way. Even though I overcame most of these difficulties, I still have to fight against the judgments I receive from those close-minded people for whom life handed everything.
I had to face a lot of challenges in the past few years, and I also made many mistakes. But i learned from every mistake, and every hardship I had to deal with in my life. I realized, that no matter what others think of me won't change the fact that I know that my willingness, determination and endurance will help me keep fighting and rise against all odds.
BTW, is this essay good or should i send another?
anyone else?
