"Judge people by their character" - FSU Essay Rough Draft - Mores

I wrote a rough draft for my FSU essay using the Latin word Mores (view prompt). Please tell me what you think. Also, do you think it's too short for a college essay? I can't think of anything else to write.

"Judge people by their character, not by how they look," my mother once told me. I follow that to this day. This saying reflects the Latin word Mores, which refers to character, custom or tradition. I wouldn't want people to judge me on appearance because I'm so much more than that. I want people to see my character; to see how responsible, hardworking and determined I am. Everyday I try to improve my personality and become a better person. My character is reflected by the extracurricular activities I participate in and where I go. I join activities such as National Honor Society and Student Government ; programs with longevity and importance. I don't party or keep company with the wrong crowd because that wouldn't get me anywhere in life. My character influences my everyday life and helps me with moral decisions.

I believe that tradition is the backbone of my family. I remember the day my grandmother taught me how to make the family dish, catamal. I succeeded in making it and also learned something else : to keep traditions alive. Traditions are important in my family and I will pass them on in the future. When I learn a tradition, I feel more connected to my family. It gives me a sense of who I am and where I came from. When I look at my family, I see dedicated, persevering and passionate individuals. My family greatly reflects who I am.

*I changed a sentence in the second paragraph. Where it says I didn't succeed, it should say "I succeeded in making it and also learned something else : how to pass down traditions."

"Judge people by their character, not by how they look," my mother once told me. I follow that to this day. This saying reflects the latin word Mores, which refers to character, custom or tradition. I wouldn't want people to judge me on appearance because I'm so much more then that. I want people to see my character; to see how responsible, hardworking and determined I am. Everyday I try to improve my personality and become a better person.

I think this part:


is good but you should word it differently, because at a glance it looks like your say that the people you hang out with affect your character. you should never say that because colleges want you to be your own person. Many college admissions officials read through your essay quickly, so you have to make every line sound positive (when possible)

I think the last paragraph is a little out of no where. I'm guessing the transition from the third paragraph to the 4th need work. If you can ask your english teacher to help out.

They are very useful tools when it comes to correcting grammar or transitions b/w paragraphs.

Good luck!

Thank you so much for your help! For the last paragraph, I was trying to start talking about tradition but I understand that it looks like I'm just talking about whatever. I will ask my english teacher for help. I wrote another draft ; tell me what you think about this one.

"Judge people by their character, not by how they look,their looks. "

"I succeeded in making it and also learned something else : to keep traditions alive."
I would write it like this:

"Not only did I succeed in making the dish, I also learned to keep traditions alive."

My 2 cents =)