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"Juggling Lemons" Common app option 5


aistar 1 / 1  
Jan 14, 2011   #1
Hey, a little help/ constructive criticism please :)

Juggling Lemons

At 18, I still enjoy putting up juggling acts. What started off as a simple childish imitation turned into six long years of frustration and determination. I can now juggle up to four objects-- albeit slowly and irregularly, but for a person whose hand eye coordination isn't completely in sync I feel proud that I persevered. This simple act of juggling things has become an integral part of my life. I juggled lemons and apples when I was bored but the invaluable lesson I learned was: how to juggle school work, extracurricular activities and part-time jobs along with my friends and family.

Sitting at a distance I watched my father rhythmically throw and catch a tennis ball, immediately I had to do the same. After whining petulantly for what seemed like ages my mother finally gave in, she handed me lemons -fresh from her grocery shopping at the bazaar. 'Stay in the kitchen' she instructed me.This was unfair -- it was crucial that I concentrate in the peace and tranquility that surrounded a monk. At age 9 my attention span lasted less than a minute. How was I supposed to focus while the kettle was whistling, the water dripping in the hustle and bustle that exist in a tiny kitchen? During those times, I stayed in the kitchen and learnt to focus on the task at hand, egardless of the noise and distractions buzzing around me, I learnt to concentrate on what matters and tune out the rest.

I threw one lemon faster and the other slower so that I would be able catch both of them at the same time. This was not exactly the art of juggling, but I trudged on with it. I practiced juggling with lemons every time an opportunity came along, pushing myself to improve.
xblo0x 6 / 8  
Jan 14, 2011   #2
How was I supposed to focus while the kettle was whistling, the water dripping in the hustle and bustle that exist in a tiny kitchen?this sentence doesnt make sense at from "the water... kitchen?" During those times, I stayed in the kitchen and learnt to focus on the task at hand, egardlessregardless of the noise and distractions buzzing around me, I learnt to concentrate on what matters and tune out the rest.

So far i think that this is a good beginning. I really liked how you were going to connect juggling objects to juggling schoolwork, extracurriculars. However, i didnt see many examples of this in the rest of your essay. If you're going to mention it right in the beginning you should show how you did this. Once you include these examples the essay will be more developed. :)
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,321 129  
Feb 9, 2011   #3
I can now juggle up to four objects-- albeit slowly and irregularly, but for a person whose hand eye coordination isn't completely in sync I feel proud that I persevered.

Great sentence! And I am so jealous! I feel like I could never juggle 4 things.. But I learned from KingsCascade.com how to juggle 3 things.

I think that last sentence of the first paragraph is... well, add a sentence after it. Add another sentence to sum up the idea you are conveying in this essay. The big idea of the essay.

You should have more about this: learnt to focus on the task at hand--- and you should do more REFLECTION and self-analysis, know what I mean? Talk about the significance of it. As an amateur juggler, I know it is a wide-eyed meditation. You can talk about that meditative state of mind.

typo: egardless

I know my advice is very late, sorry!


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