Personal Statement 1:
Describe the world you come from - for example, your family, community or school - and tell us how your world has shaped your dreams and aspirations.
I am what one would consider a mutt: a jumbled mix of Canadian, Afro-Cuban, and German blood and culture. Being multi-ethnic can pose a challenge at times; it is an identity crisis that I encounter on a regular basis. It seems as if the majority of my peers have a certain racial or ethnic niche that they fit into while I struggle to determine where I belong in this respect. However, any inconvenience that my mixed background causes me is greatly outweighed by its benefits. The culturally diverse environment that I come from has provided enriching experiences that have molded me into an avid learner with a hunger to expand my knowledge and a desire to use that knowledge to make a difference in my world.
Since my infancy, the mesh of my various cultural backgrounds, along with the help and support of my parents, have provided me with the tools to create a solid educational foundation - especially a linguistic one. Needless to say, I had a fascination with language, even as a youngster; I just needed a way to harness this fascination in order to develop my skills. Thankfully, support was readily available for me. My Cuban mother taught me how to read, speak, and write in both English and Spanish. Shortly after my first birthday, I had memorized the alphabet, and I had read my first complete Dr. Seuss book by the age of two. Pursuing even further linguistic enrichment, I pleaded my parents to enroll me in a French immersion program. Being born and raised in Canada was a major incentive for me to learn French, as the language surrounded me on a daily basis and was easier to implement into my life. I was involved in the French program from preschool until eighth grade. Thanks to my diverse and supportive environment, I developed both an excellent educational foundation and an early passion for learning, which I continue to apply to my studies today.
I feel fortunate to have had the opportunity to visit places that I have personal ties to: namely to Cuba, Peru, and the eastern part of Canada. These voyages have provided me with insights and experiences on my own heritage and culture, while motivating me to pursue my future goals. While all three of these travels have had a positive impact on me, my visit to Cuba has had the most effect on my future aspirations. I have visited Cuba twice: as an infant and just prior to my thirteenth birthday - the latter visit being the more poignant one. I spent two weeks with nearly everyone from my mother's side of my family, living as they do on a daily basis, meeting relatives I had never met before, and generally experiencing the land from which I originate. What struck me most about my visit, however, was seeing the poverty in which my family lives, and realizing that my own mother had come from this same poverty and escaped it. Feeling a mixture of both pride and obligation, I made an internal promise to follow in my mother's footsteps. I continue use my mother's own hard work and determination as a model for my own life, in the hopes that I will be able to have a career that provides not only for myself and my immediate family, but be sufficiently well-off to aid my family in Cuba, so that they may live the lives that they deserve: I want to reimburse them for shaping my world.
I feel like I don't go "in-depth" enough into my topics... it feels a bit like a list. I'm having trouble going into more detail without going over the limit, however.
Any feedback is appreciated :)
I agree with your assessment. I like what you have, but I think you could either tie them together more strongly OR you could pick one of the two and elaborate on one specific topic.
Don't touch the first paragraph though, it doesn't need any fixing.
Care to help me on my essays??
I added a small conclusion at the end aiming to tie it together a bit more:
"My ultimate goal is to provide a happy life for both myself and the people I care about. The world that I come from has successfully prepared me for the future, and I hope that my college experience will aid me in my quest to make a difference in my world."
Two ideas for this sentence:
It seems as if the majority of my peers have a certain racial or ethnic niche into which they fit whi le I struggle to determine where I belong. in this respect.
I think that makes it stronger! :-)
Since my infancy, the mesh of my various cultural backgrounds, along with the help and support of my parents, have has provided...---I know this is a strange grammatical call to make... but it is correct with "has."
:-)
sufficiently well-off to aid my family in Cuba, so that they may live the lives that they deserve: I want to reimburse them for shaping my world.----awesome! A noble aspiration... :-) you are great.
