Hello, This is my personal statement for Bucknell. I am not sure if this essay makes any sense or not? Also I am applying to other non liberal arts institution and need your suggestions to change the conclusion. Please feel free to criticize harshly. Thank you in advance
Growing up in Nepal has not always been easy. I remember being judged for many things from the color of my skin to the grades that I received in my report cards. Being called 'kaley' (someone with dark complexion) probably has not left much of an emotional scar on me and neither have few harsh comments I received over my grades. However, as I started writing this essay, I could not help but reflect back on these trivial yet important experiences that have helped define me as an individual and accept myself for who I am.
One such incident happened not so long ago. My teacher and I, along with some of my classmates were casting for the upcoming school play. The casting was going smoothly until the word 'devil' came on our casting list. Without a word, the teacher gave a shrill laugh. Oblivious of what he was laughing about we joined him. He then pointed a finger at me and said, "Prasesh is perfect for the job. We don't need to put makeup on him since he disappears in the dark and the appearance of only his teeth will make him look even scarier". My friends laughed harder. All of them gave taunting looks at me, poking me with their fingers while I sat there red faced.
This particular incident made me realize how normal it is in my society for someone to openly make snarky comments on someone else's looks. Given how the society is rigidly structured around the caste system in Nepal (besides other socio-economic set ups), I could not help but wonder about how a fellow kaley from a lower caste would have felt about this same incident. Would he have been considered to be more devilish by my teacher because of his lower caste in addition to his dark complexion? I still wonder.
I also often wonder why people are so quick to judge me as a carefree unconventional person only because I love playing guitar. For me guitar is liberating- It allows me to go to a whole different world where I can explore an exciting form of art. However, the society is quick to judge me as the guy who picked up the guitar probably because I struggle with the conventional form of education, even though the truth is far away from this opinion.
These unfair outlooks and stereotyping of the society made me decide early on in my high school that I wanted to study engineering- the major of math and science where there are fair concrete rules. Rules that do not distinguish whether one is kaley or fair skinned; rules that do not discriminate based on caste, gender, ethnicity or religion. I found the world fascinating where four atoms of aluminum mixed with three molecules of oxygen gas would produce two molecule of aluminum oxide no matter who did it.
However, as my high school education progressed on, and the more immersed I became in math and science I realized how the conclusion drawn in mathematics totally depended on the baseline reference. Early on, as little kids, I was taught that 2+2 is 4, but now I learnt some sneaky ways on how one could prove 2+2 =5 based on different assumptions and reference points, even if it made little sense. Suddenly I did not feel so great about being a math major because, like the society, in this subject too, people could try to make their own assumptions and prove whatever they wanted, even if it escaped logic!
Which is why today, I want to apply to Bucknell University. I do not just want a conventional education that will allow me to learn more about mathematical assumptions but also challenge me to be a critical thinker about my surrounding. A liberal arts education at your institution will help me to confront unexpected challenges that society throws in our path so often. More importantly, it will help me be critical in analyzing those baseline references so that in the future when I make my own assumptions I realize that 2+2 need not only be 4 but it also needs to be fair.
Being called 'kaley' (someone with dark complexion) probably has not left much of an emotional scar on me and neither have few harsh comments I received over my grades.
-Be assertive, did this or did this not leave a scar on you, and if it did how has your experiences helped you grow and become wiser.
Being called "kaley" (someone with dark complexion) has left only minor emotional scars on my spirits, nor have harsh comments concerning my grades degraded me.
-Other than that your essay is beautiful, expose racism in your essay for the evil that it is. Express yourself with confidence, pour your heart into this and MOVE man. Come to America it's nice here. (It is late and I am tired so I didn't go through your whole essay sorry, but if you need anymore help just ask me)
Early on, as little kids, I was taught that 2+2 is 4, but now I learnt some sneaky ways on how one could prove 2+2 =5 based on different assumptions and reference points, even if it made little sense.
-Here is another sentence that I thought needed to be changed. Tell me if this is helpful too.
"Early on, as a young child, I was taught that 2+2 is 4; however, now I am being told that, in some corrupt system, one could argue that 2+2=5. This is of course based on deceptive assumptions and devious reference points which are absolutely false. "
Thank you MHKHRY,
your praises have boosted my confidence. Also, your suggestions were helpful but i am facing a problem. This essay is only applicable to liberal arts college and i also want to apply to other private institute. Could you give me an idea on how i could work on this very essay( change the ending) and make it applicable to others as well.
i will help you with your essay.
This particular incident made me realize how normal it is in my society for someone to openly make snarky comments on someone else's appearance . Given how the society is rigidly structured around the caste system in Nepal (besides other socio-economic set ups), I could not help but wonder about how a fellow kaley from a lower caste would have felt about this same incident. Would he have been considered to be more devilish by my teacher because of his lower caste in addition to his dark complexion? I still wonder.
I made some more changes...
I didn't really like snarky so I changed the sentence a little.
This particular incident forever exposed my eyes to the harsh and unrestrained racism evident in my society. Given how
thethis society is
sorigidlyfirmly structured around the caste system in Nepal
, besides other socio-economic set ups
, I could not help but wonder how a fellow kaley from a lower caste would have
felt about this same incidentdealt with the same prejudice .
Hey rocky432, there is someone here by the name of ah_zafari, he is the first person who responded to my Duke essay. He is very good at grammar maybe he can give you some ideas about generalizing your essay. I will also have some time to revise this a little later later today.
