Tell us about a time when you failed. What, if anything, did you learn?
I will never forget the day after Katie Murray passed away. It was only hours after learning the news of her death when I was forced to walk into my AP Government class-the class where 24 hours before Katie had sat beside me. To describe the feeling of emptiness I felt then, knowing Katie wasn't going to run into class just before the bell and slide in next to me, like she had always done, is nearly impossible. Looking around the class at Mr. Childers, with Mrs. Childers standing right by his side, I could see the emptiness of the classroom reflected on his face. I will never forget what they asked us to do that day. Instead of sitting in silence like we had all done in every other class, we wrote letters.
We wrote to Senators Barbara Mikulski, Ben Cardin, and to Representative Steny Hoyer. All we wanted was for the back roads of Charles County, specifically Oliver's Shop Road, to be changed, improved, and made safer to avoid the loss of another life. Especially because Katie wasn't the first, but was the fifth student from La Plata High School in four years to die from a fatal accident on Oliver's Shop Road.
In the letters we wrote we proposed for a shoulder to be added, asked for the road's treacherous curves to be straightened, and suggested that the speed limit be lowered. In addition, we requested that back roads be given equal priority for treatment before inclement weather, explaining that maybe if the road had been salted the ice patch Katie slid on would have never formed, if there was a shoulder she wouldn't of rolled into the ditch she did, and if the curves weren't so tight perhaps her car wouldn't have flipped.
I don't think I have ever put such passion or emotion on paper before as I did in that letter. All 21 letters were sent to each Congressman-a total of 63 letters altogether. Not a single reply was sent back.
When I finally realized that we were not going to receive a response from our congressmen, the men and women whom I believed had the power to make this change, I was disappointed, upset, and disheartened. I felt as if we had failed in trying to make a change in Katie's memory-that our letters weren't persuasive or powerful enough to initiate action in any of our leaders. It took me until very recently to realize this wasn't true, to realize that we had succeeded. We had taken the initiative to change something we were passionate about, even if Oliver's Shop has remained the same. I know that I cannot change everything, but I can change something-and I will make every attempt to do so in Katie's memory.
ANY FEEDBACK OR THOUGHTS ARE APPRECIATED! :)
I will never forget the day after Katie Murray passed away. It was only hours after learning the news of her death when I was forced to walk into my AP Government class-the class where 24 hours before Katie had sat beside me. To describe the feeling of emptiness I felt then, knowing Katie wasn't going to run into class just before the bell and slide in next to me, like she had always done, is nearly impossible. Looking around the class at Mr. Childers(are you looking around the class or at Mr. Childers? ), with Mrs. Childers standing right by his side, I could see the emptiness of the classroom reflected on his face. I will never forget what they asked us to do that day. Instead of sitting in silence like we had all done in every other class, we wrote letters.
We wrote to Senators Barbara Mikulski, Ben Cardin, and to Representative Steny Hoyer. All we wanted was for the back roads of Charles County, specifically Oliver's Shop Road, to be changed, improved, and made safer to avoid the loss of another life. Especially because Katie wasn't the first, but . She was the fifth student from La Plata High School in four years to die from a fatal accident on Oliver's Shop Road.
In the letters we wrote we proposed for a shoulder to be added, asked for the road's treacherous curves to be straightened, and suggested that the speed limit be lowered. In addition, we requested that back roads be given equal priority for treatment before inclement weather, we tried explaining that maybe if the road had been salted the ice patch Katie slid on would have never formed, if there was a shoulder she wouldn't of rolled into the ditch she did , and if the curves weren't so tight, perhaps her car wouldn't have flipped.
I don't think I have ever put such passion or emotion on paper before as I did in that letter. All 21 letters were sent to each Congressman-a total of 63 letters altogether. Not a single reply was sent back.
When I finally realized that we were not going to receive a response from our congressmen, the men and women whom I believed had the power to make this change, I was disappointed, upset, and disheartened. I felt as if we had failed in trying to make a change for Katie's memory -that our letters weren't persuasive or powerful enough to initiate action in any of our leaders. It took me until very recently to realize this wasn't true, to realize that we had succeeded. We had taken the initiative to change something we were passionate about, even if Oliver's Shop Road has remained the same. I know that I cannot change everything, but I can change something-and I will make every attempt to do so in Katie's memory.
I think this is a really good essay. I would try adding more details without listing so much. You have a lot of commas in you paper especially when you list everything you requested. Try mixing it up. Really good essay though. I'm sorry about your friend Katie.
Please review mine too!! It's the only essay I have posted :]
