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'Keep running' - A common application essay 100 words critique

GrimoireOfAlice 1 / -  
Aug 4, 2015   #1
If you could only do one of the activities you have listed in the Activities section of your Common Application, which one would you keep doing? Why? (100 words)

[I would further my lifetime ambition to just keep running. I originally joined Cross-Country as a High school Sophomore simply as a means to an end, one where I would bind myself to a commitment just so I can force myself to stay fit and healthy. Now that I'm onto my third year in CC, life without it is a notion that I've long outran and left behind. I do look back sometimes, a temptation to ease up on unpleasant days lingers in me. On those days, I find solace in my teammates, their support ensuring that I remain steadfast.]

Many thanks to whoever replies, your feedback is much appreciated and I will do my best to repay this site with my own critique.
lcturn87 - / 435 236  
Aug 4, 2015   #2
Hello, I can help you with your essay.

First, you should write the essay as you would normally write any essay. You should avoid using parenthesis or any other symbols around your paragraphs. The next sentence there is a slight correction that needs to be made: "I originally joined the cross country team..."Also, you should avoid capitalizing "high" and "sophomore".

The beginning of the next sentence state: "Now that I'm in my third year of cross country, life without it seems like a notion that I have left behind. The next sentence is confusing? Would you like to state that: "When I do remember the past, I am tempted to reflect upon unpleasant days." You can end the last sentence with: "...ensures that I remain steadfast."
justivy03 - / 2,366 607  
Sep 2, 2015   #3
- I would like further my lifetime ambition...
- ...toand just keep running.
- ...their support ensuringensures that I remain steadfast.

I believe your essay is written well, I understand that this essay is bound for word count and this limited your ideas
however, I know that you will still be able to make a few good sentences.

Some guidelines for you.
- remember your linking verbs as they make up the sentences
- know your language skills
- in an application essay, you should also include your capacity to help and contribute to the community
more so to the institution

I hope you make it.

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