As a doctor I could use this skill to treat patients other medical professionals may not understand or even travel to Asian counties to care for people there.
maybe say: my language skills will help me communicate with my patients in my future career as a doctor; I could even travel to Asian countries (which ones?) to cure (better than care) for ppl there
caring for patients and
put this after working alongside... and take out "and everything in between"
Towards the end of the program my dedication was acknowledged and earned me the Gastroenterology Department Award;
towards the end of the prog i was awarded...,
an honor that
Now in high school
? so you were in middle school when you did the volunteer? if not, say in my current high school
through my school's
at the end, you begin to lose focus and
I would contribute to NEOUCOM and the medical profession by continuing to hold the same conviction in community service throughout my educational career at NEOUCOM and a professional career as a doctor.
very repetitive and generic.
instead, talk about SPECIFIC things you can contribute and SPECIFIC programs you want to go to. so basically: how exactly you contribute to the school and (what do you expect in return) you don't have to say this part, but makes your essay sound more realistic
overall, good essay. good personal detail, just do a bit more research on the school and talk about its unique programs at the end.