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The key to a successful performance by a group depends largely on its dynamic and chemistry.

deadpoolguy 1 / 1  
Jan 8, 2015   #1
My essay on something in my life that goes unnoticed and why it's important according to me

This is for the Uni of Wisconsin-Madison. I require help with proofreading. Any help will be greatly appreciated. The following is my essay:

The key to a successful performance by a group depends largely on its dynamic and chemistry. It does not matter if the team consists of the smartest people on the planet, as long as they fail to communicate ideas and thoughts properly, chances are they will simply miss out on the greatest invention there could.

To some, this may seem like an exaggerated anecdote, but I believe this is exactly what so many of us fail to notice. I have worked for several group projects over the course of my school years. What bothers me the most is when people seem to neglect or dismiss inputs that seem questionable and doubtful of proper application. Being a soft-spoken person myself most of the school years, I realize how difficult it is for so many people like me to voice their thoughts. Quite ironically, introverts actually go through their thoughts over and over in their heads until it seems plausible enough for presentation, amidst all the chaos among the group, these opinions never surface to enlighten self-centred minds.

Since this is often the case where I grew up, I always make it a point to carefully listen to every opinion in a group, regardless of how suitable it is to the discussion. While the lack of appreciating someone's opinion maybe simply rude to the third eye, chances are it adds to the social anxiety the person has been working so hard to overcome. The lack of self-expression according to psychologists and researches has always shown that it leads to mental disorders including depression, mental breakdowns and in worst cases, suicidal tendencies. I guess what they say is true, everyone wants to say something but nobody is willing to listen.

This, as a result, has come close to being the most significant and important lesson I have learnt.

(Thanks for reading)

huzefaa 2 / 18 3  
Jan 8, 2015   #2
first para; last line 'be' at end of the sentence

Rest of the essay is quite amazing, concise and flawless. kudos!
vangiespen - / 4,137 1449  
Jan 8, 2015   #3
You have made a good point of pointing out that soft spoken people and their opinions often go unnoticed in today's world. However, you should point out how the fact that people ignore you have affected your self esteem. Remember that you have to explain to the admissions officers about why this issue is important to you and one of the most important reasons will be the effect that the ignoring has upon your way of thinking or attempts at having yourself heard during the discussions. The fact that you learned to listen to other people because you are often ignored is not as important to this essay as the discussion of why this is important to you. I would not add any information that you got from research and psychologists in this essay because that deviates from the personal opinion that the essay requires. Try to keep all of your reasoning along the lines of a personal point of view. That is what the essay prompt requires after all.
OP deadpoolguy 1 / 1  
Jan 8, 2015   #4
Thank you so much huzefaa for your reply; wow that was quick.
PS. Hey I'm planning on applying to Georgia Tech too. (If that's where you're planning too)

Thanks a ton vangiespen, you're a life saver! I should've been more careful about not deviating from the actual topic.
I cannot thank you enough :)
huzefaa 2 / 18 3  
Jan 8, 2015   #5
Haha,I am planning to apply there, hope we get in! Best of luck

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