I am applying for KGSP Undergraduate, i hope to get feedback on my essay, thank you
KGSP UNDERGRADUATE MATHEMATICS MAJOR
My parents have been divorced since I was a child and to date I have no idea of my father's whereabouts. My mother used to be a private teacher, but now my mother is more focused on being a food trader. As a food trader, my mother's income be contigent only on orders. With a meager revenue, it is actually very arduous for my mother to pay for my studies. Fortunately, I gained a fee waivers from school as long as I was in Junior High School until High School.
My admiration for Korea motivates me to go on my education in Korea. Korea has become one of the developed countries in Asia, with its advantages in various fields, especially in the field of education. I highly admire the education system in Korea which is one of the factors in making Korea a developed country. Although Korea and Indonesia became independent at the same time, Korea was much more developed than Indonesia. That is what makes me adore Korea, so I want to study there and bring the good things I got from Korea to Indonesia. I am interested in experiencing the cultural and lifestyle differences between Korea and Indonesia, which would be a challenge for me if I lived in there. Also the desire to ease the financial burden on my mother to fork out my studies genuinely encouraged me to apply for KGSP scholarship. Her hard work in raising me alone, really motivated me to be a successful person and useful to others.
Under the circumstances of my family, I grew up to be a shy person. I am immensely a sheepish, I never have the nerve to public speaking. After I graduated from high school, I felt hopeless because I thought that I would not continue to go to college. Considering that my mother's earnings which is practically just right, it will be exceptionally difficult to shell out for my tuition fees. However, she said she would always prioritize my education no matter what. Long story short, I am now studying at *** majoring in Mathematics.
Since I was studying in ***, I really changed to be a better side of me. Not only did I change academically, but my attitude and personality also began to turn. I became more mature because of the encouragement of college life. With a campus environment that bolsters students to thrive, prompting me to get out of my comfort zone. I developed a lot of good things, one of which is that I had to life far away from my mother and that established me more independent than before. I started studying harder than when I was in high school, and I managed to get a cumlaude GPA for my first semester. During my second semester of college, I ventured to join an organization on campus, the Executive Council of Students.
Following my participation in organization, I was required to be able to manage my time. Hence, I have to balance between studying for college and my activities in the organization. As long as I joined the organization, after my class schedule was over I had to attend a meeting with other members to discuss the event that we would hold. Usually that makes me go back to the dorms at 8 or 9 p.m. Once I got to the dorms, I commenced doing my assignments and studying for my class schedule tomorrow until 2 a.m. I constantly repeat this routine for one semester. After all these struggles, I succeed to maintain my GPA. I got cumlaude GPA again for my second semester.
Joining the organization made me have new abilities that I did not get in the classroom, such as being able to express opinions in a forum, manage time, and have a leadership mentality. Besides joining organizations, I also often participate in community service. I once participated in community service in a village for two days. I did many things with the villagers. Teaching children to learn various things, playing games with the children, and cleaning the neighborhood in the village. Everything is carried out with simplicity. Without luxuries, only blissful togetherness. I learned from there that happiness is not measured by what we possess but it depends on how grateful we are for our life.
For me who used to be a prude, public speaking was a scary thing to me. Nevertheless with a college surroundings that provides a lot of places for students to develop, it urges me to dare to conquer my fears. When my seniors gave me the opportunity to be a master of ceremony at an event, I decided to take the opportunity and take the risks. I am grateful I made the decision to take that opportunity which brought me to the person I am today.
In the wake of all this, I believe that I can change to become a better person if I dare to try, to take risks, and to face my fears. I have shown that even though I come from an underprivileged and broken family, I can still thrive like everyone else by trying hard and giving the best I can. I know that the current me is not as well as other people, but when compared to my old self I am a whole new person now. I began to believe that if there is a will and a struggle to achieve what we aspire to, there will be a way to achieve it.
When I learned more about this scholarship I found out that Korea is a country where the ministry of education systematically supports international student studies. That renders me a guarantee that later I can study in Korea, my education will be fully supported by the Korean Ministry of Education. My dream is to become a mathematics lecturer because I want to share the knowledge I have. I want the knowledge I get to be useful for others. I will be extremely grateful if I can get the opportunity to study in Korea through the KGSP scholarship.
Holt Educational Consultant - / 10,552 3449
My admiration for Korea motivates me to go on my education in Korea.
This is the worst reason / motivation to study in Korea. Unless you have an actual dream / career goal / ambition that you hope to pursue, but cannot effectively pursue in Indonesia, then you do not have an effective motivation to study in Korea. Simple admiration for a country will not compel the reviewer to give you the scholarship. All of the applicants for GKS admire Korea, so your educational motivation is not solid enough. It is common and irrelevant. The content of that paragraph sounds more like you want to be sponsored tourist instead of an eager academic scholar. Your intention to not be a financial burden to your mother as a college student is admirable. However, it is not a compelling reason to motivate the awarding of the scholarship to you.
Executive Council of Students.
Why is this a notable mention in your essay? How does this experience make you a viable candidate not in terms of maturity, but in terms of relevance to your possible contribution to the scholarship program and the university you might be attending? Does this relay the idea that you have leadership skills that the reviewer should take note of? As for community service, with what organization did you participate? Why did you decide to join them in helping that village? What motivated you to become that sort of socially conscious person?