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"our kids will go to the same school" - Stanford letter to roomate .


gigi5 3 / 12  
Dec 28, 2010   #1
Virtually all of Stanford's undergraduates live on campus. Write a note to your future roommate that reveals something about you or that will help your roommate - and us - know you better. (250 v)

Hi future roomie! :)

I hope you are having a good day. If not, then I am happy to assist you on days like this for at least the next 4 years. I am a good listener if you need one and I am the perfect person to share silly jokes with if you want to set your mind on something else than your worries. I usually connect quickly with people and I hope you will not be an exception.

I am sure that we won't have problems with choosing music to listen to, as my interests are quite broad. I enjoy the greatest hits of the Beatles as much as Kid Cudi's newest album, and during my years in music school I started liking composers like Mozart, Schubert and Vivaldi. And if you like singing, that's great. Give me a guitar and the chords to your favorite songs and we will have a terrific evening together. Maybe we can invite a couple of friends and make a movie night. Or if you prefer book clubs, I'm up for it. I like sharing my passions with others, whether it's books, movies, food or the latest FIFA World cup match. You name it.

I hope that we will become good friends, and maybe we will stay that way for the rest of our lives. Maybe we will organize dinner parties every Tuesday evening and our kids will go to the same school. You never know.

Have a nice day,

Alise

______________________________________________________________________ _________

Comments would be nice, especially on grammar and style, that's what I worry about the most right now.
And can anyone suggest how to change the part "as my interests are quite broad" in the music part? I think it sounds kind of boastful. An opinion on this would be useful! ;)

Thank you.
I will read your essay back and help as much as I can.
kisna22 2 / 9  
Dec 28, 2010   #2
hi,
i am not really good at editing essays so my comment might not be as useful. I really liked your style. its informal and sorta has an objective tone to it.

I didnt really find any grammar mistakes so i dont think you need to worry about that

set your mind on something else other than your worries

I think you should edit around the part where you talk about music.. i dont know it has no spark to it
ziranshng 5 / 17  
Dec 28, 2010   #3
if you want to set your mind on something elseother than your worries.

I usually connect quickly with people and I hope you will not be an exception.

For some reason, this bugs me. Why would your roommate be an exception? Maybe you could rephrase this to show that you usually connect quickly with people, and will do so in this case too. Then again, not a huge deal.

The "You name it." seems to stand out on its own too much with nothing supporting it. I think there are enough examples in the preceding sentence that you don't need it.

I don't think the interests being broad is boastful when referring to music. I would keep it, or maybe say something along the lines of "I have a wide taste in music".
MirayPhilips 5 / 37  
Dec 28, 2010   #4
I'm not sure whether this goes to a room-mate or is it one of those creative admission essays? But if its just to a roomie than i don't think they'd mind your grammer mistakes and all that...

Well, I read this and laughed. Its warm and welcoming and shows how easy going you are.
I like your style and I like the ending, its warm.

So yeah, I really liked this. I'd want to be your roomie. :)
OP gigi5 3 / 12  
Dec 28, 2010   #5
Thank you all. :)

Miray, maybe we will be. You never know. :D
knattagh 3 / 13  
Dec 28, 2010   #6
wow this is really good. I want to be your roomie too!

This is beautifully written. The transitions keep me reading and I don't want to stop.
I am applying to Stanford for Physics and I am very interested in materials science.
I hope we both get in!
gretchenk 5 / 14  
Dec 28, 2010   #7
I think this is very well written. I really like the informal yet appropriate tone of the letter!
Good luck with your admissions!


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