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It's kind of like a love story, Common App transfer essay

GalPacino 2 / 3  
Feb 25, 2014   #1
Hi! I basically just want to know if you the essay gives enough clear reasons as to why I need to transfer, and if it flows well. Also, let me know if the analogy to love stories is cheesy/stupid/etc. I'm hoping it's kind of funny and "unique" but let me know if I'm wrong. Be harsh. Thanks so much!

Describe why you are transferring and the objectives you hope to achieve:

Sometimes, things just don't really work out. As Rhett Butler and Scarlett O'Hara, or Heathcliff and Catherine of Wuthering Heights will tell you, sometimes what seems like the perfect match just isn't really all that perfect. This is true, as well, in the case of my relationship with " ".

As a high school student, I was always the girl neck-deep in countless extracurricular activities. Alienated by what I viewed as high school's prescriptive curriculum and the ways it fosters competition rather than knowledge, I tried to intellectually stimulate myself outside of school instead.

But as I entered " ", on the cusp of my eighteenth birthday, I realized that I knew nothing, and I quickly made the resolution to learn everything. I thrived on the flexibility of a collegiate curriculum, in which I was able to exert agency in the courses I chose to take, and in which my opinion was valued. I could be the dissenting voice, the endless skeptic or the unwavering defendant of a text, and this was welcomed. If I began my college career naive and willing, I am transferring institutions emboldened and invigorated. And though " " has contributed immensely to my maturation, I feel that I have reached the limits of what " " can provide me.

I partially chose to attend " " due to its politics program's emphasis upon legal studies and American politics. However, as I have taken courses and interacted with my professors, I now realize that my intellectual interests are in fact more geared toward political theory and the comparative politics of postcolonial nations, notably those in Latin America and the Middle East. The limited course offerings in my areas of interest limit not only what courses I can enroll in, but the opportunities to find professors who share my academic curiosities. My desired course of study would be better expressed within a political science program more balanced in its course offerings, one that is concerned with empirically and theoretically situating the contemporary condition of the Global South.

In transferring, I want to find myself inspired, not only by the texts I read, or by the professors that teach me, but by the student who sits beside me. I want the fervent debate and discussion that takes place within the confines of the classroom to be contiguous with the activism of the college campus at large. Though my peers at " " are intelligent, I have found them to be less engaged in the sorts of intellectual quandaries that I often find myself embroiled in. Of course, I do not aspire to be lumped together with students who share all of my own interests, but I hope to immerse myself in a student body who cares just as deeply as I do, who is overflowed with their own sense of urgency to do something and to leave one's mark upon the world we live in.

It's not " ", it's me. " " and I, we've had a good run, but our relationship has an expiration date. Though my experience there has helped me mature in a multitude of ways, I know that " " isn't "the one". Transferring institutions is a messy, arduous, invigorating process, but it is is a necessary step toward actualizing my future, and achieving what I want from my education and from my life. Call me an idealist or a romantic, but as Elizabeth Bennett and Mr. Darcy will attest to, though all good love stories are rocky, not all of them end in heartbreak. In transferring institutions, I know I will achieve my happy ending.
bwosti 5 / 11 1  
Mar 16, 2014   #2
Hi! I basically just want to know if you the essay gives enough clear reasons

I think the sentence looks sloppy
suggestion: Basically, I just want to know that if your essay gives clear enough reasons

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