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I know that I belong at FIT - I will be able to thrive there and meet my full potential

Armelle 1 / 1  
Oct 3, 2018   #1
my essay isn't finished yet but I just need some feedback

living the life of True Jackson

Since I began watching the Nickelodeon sitcom 'True Jackson VP' when I was in elementary school, I dreamt of living the life of True Jackson. To see her climb from vice president to being the president of the company was inspiring. Peering into the life of a fashion company vice president for the 23 minutes that the show ran on TV was the final stamp on my decision regarding my career path. Fashion has always been an escape from reality for me. In middle school I would always find myself intrigued by Thierry Mugler and Chanel's 1990's fashion shows and envisioning what I would do to add my own flare onto the line and how I would sell it to other people. I was always inspired by people and their personalities, and always saw myself being an inspiration to others. I want to have my work live on forever.

Aside from starting a fashion club and taking charge of the school fashion show, my greatest accomplishment would have to be the creation of my clothing line. Developing my clothing brand in the year 2014 was one of the first major steps I took in starting my business. My hopes and dreams of having a successful career in the fashion industry was the driving force behind the clothing line. Also being able to showcase my creativity. I wanted to make my clothing as fluid and expressive as the industry and to be able to connect to my target audience -- kids in my high school. I remember sitting in my trigonometry class, protractor and pencil in hand, when I designed the first logo. However, having a clothing line showed me that I didn't just want to design clothes -- I wanted to market them as well. Classes that I am now taking such as Ethics in business and microeconomics in my community college are giving me a brand new insight in the world of business and how everything works.

My clothing line has already provided many opportunities for me and taught me so much. I made connections with important influencers in new york city (Jbadvss), learned how to effectively manage my money and I made me the first recipient of the young entrepreneur's scholarship in my high school. Through this clothing line I have developed communication and networking skills that will serve me for a lifetime. I learned how to be more approachable and how to approach others. I know that I belong at FIT because this school is the only place where I know I will be able to thrive and meet my full potential. FIT offers what I crave -- networking, internships and fashion.

In the world of business, more so advertisement, it's not about what you say, but how you say it. It's all about working harder and not smarter. With my competitive spirit, ambition, communication and leadership skills, I know that the Advertising and Marketing Communications program will allow all of those qualities to be displayed.

I plan to obtain internships during my time at FIT, because I want to take full advantage of all the opportunities that this institution has to offer. The Fashion Institute of Technology will provide me with the necessary tools needed to securing a successful future in the fashion industry. FIT is the last piece to the puzzle in my journey to success.

Teebest - / 7 3  
Oct 4, 2018   #2
... own flare onto into the line...
I was have always always been inspired by ..., and always saw see myself ...

For your secondary paragraph, it better to start will when you developed your clothing line before you talk about your greatest accomplish in the clothing line, and later on some of the sentences at the end of that paragraph didn't connect. You need to restructure to make it flow.

In the world of business, more... (This would be better to say: In process of publicity, advertisement is....)

..., because I want get hands on experience and take full advantage of ...
OP Armelle 1 / 1  
Oct 7, 2018   #3

thank you so much! your comments have been very helpful and I made a lot of changes

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