I didn't know how to cook ; EXPERIENCE THAT'S IMPORTANT TO YOU

"No, I'm sorry. I don't think I can go hang out with you guys. I have to work," was the answer that I always give to all my friends ever since my family started owning a business. Two years after my family moved to the United States, my mother decided to open a small snack bar in Danville Bowl to help out with the living expenses that my stepfather had to provides for my mother, my younger sister, my older brother, and I.

As a fifteen years old, I thought that working during the summer after my freshmen year in high school was a great opportunity for me to earn money so I can buy whatever I want without bothering my parents. I didn't know how to cook and I wasn't good at math but that didn't stop me from trying to learn how everything works in the kitchen and at the cash register. I learned how to make burgers, patty melts, club sandwiches, the list of food can go on but making food was not the only task I had to do. I had to take orders, get soft drinks, deliver food on different lanes. I made few mistakes here and there but after working from noon to midnight and getting forty dollars each day that I worked, I felt like I've accomplished something while others teenagers were at home on their computers.

Six months later, We opened a restaurant near our home. Working at a restaurant has taught me different skills and knowledge that I can never experienced or learned at school. Teamwork is the only way that will get the dishes on the table correctly and on time. Knowing how to manage my time is a key to be a successful server, to pull of the balancing acting of greeting patrons, delivering sumptuous dishes hot of the grill, and taking care of the cash register, I have to be downright choreographed. Different problems that arise in lunch or dinner rush, whether it's about dealing with difficult customers or cash-handling are where I learned my problem solving skills. I have achieved numerous skills from working with my family and different staffs. I was scared and nervous to interact with customers, but after three years of experience, I have gotten rid of my fears. Hearing my customers calling my name to serve them and seeing thank you notes on their napkins are little things that put a smile on my face. Helping out my co-workers and my customers has given me the motivation to help everyone around me and being able to help out my family while keeping my grades up in school is something that I am very proud of. I've learn to become more responsible and a harder worker. My work experience has made me the person I am today; organized, skilled, fearless, and dedicated.

was the answer that I always gave to all my friends


I feel as though you can cut the entirety of this and replace it simply with "...to help out with the living expenses"

Something along the lines. Adding the extra explanations detracts more from the essay than you'd think.


As a fifteen year old, I thought that working during the summer was a great opportunity for me to earn money for the things I wanted


I learned how to make burgers, patty melts, and club sandwiches. I also had to take orders, get soft drinks, and deliver food to different lanes

Are you starting to see a pattern? Keep your essay in a single tense. Go ahead and switch out when you're concluding, but you should keep your thoughts in a single tense. Your essay is a majority past tense. keep it that way.

Take out things that are either redundant or unnecessary. Near the bottom you mention grades, but I don't believe it's a vital part of the story. You focussed on yourself being relieved by your fears.

Overall solid essay. You have a lot of things you want to say, but squish it very tightly. What I like most about this is:


That entire string of sentences is good. It was kind of a quick overview of what your restaurant experience taught you.