"You don't know how strong you are until being strong is the only choice you have" CommonApp Essay

ESSAY:Discuss an accomplishment or event, formal or informal, that marked your transition from childhood to adulthood within your culture, community, or family

"You don't know how strong you are until being strong is the only choice you have." It may seem like just another cliché quote but to me the message is very powerful. I never truly understood the meaning of this quote until I experienced it. During my junior year of high school my life changed, I began to feel my chest tighten up. I figured it was just asthma or bad allergies. The heavy weight increased and it soon began to feel as if someone were sitting on top of me. This feeling took a toll on my school work. My grades declined, my homework piled up and this feeling consumed me as a whole. I began to hate school. Instead of attending school every day my absences increased, the feelings conquered my body causing me to vomit. My parents and I came to realize something was really wrong. Their once spirited, hardworking student was replaced by a confused victim. After a series of tests I was diagnosed with generalized anxiety disorder. A sense of relief washed over me, just knowing that all of these feelings had a definition. During the last few months of my junior year my grades began to improve and I was a happier person.

Summer had arrived and I took the opportunity to volunteer as a Counselor in Training for three weeks at , a camp for underprivileged children, some of whom had mental disabilities. I remember prior to that summer I felt very much alone in the world. Those three weeks completely changed my perspective of myself and my disease. The first week of camp I had four 15 year old girls that each had their own problems. One of my campers had serious anxiety, she would have daily panic attacks. In the past, she had resorted to self-harm as a way of dealing with her disorder. Each day I tried to help her find different ways to deal with her anxiety attacks. Some days we would sit on the porch and talk, other days we would shoot hoops together and enjoy our time. I helped her realize that one should look at anxiety disorders in a positive way. My story of overcoming anxiety really helped her and at the end of the week she told me that she was going to tell her mom that she had been inflicting self-harm. She also shared with me that she was planning on trying out for the basketball team at school since it helped her cope with her anxiety. That week at helped her realize her self-worth and that anxiety was God's way of letting her know that she is strong enough to get through it.

Those weeks at were a wakeup call for me. I realized that each person is fighting their own battle and that we can find a commonality in that we each struggle. When my senior year began the following August my grades had gone up and my outlook on school had improved. I was highly engaged in my classes and I found myself building lasting relationships with my teachers which further improved my senior year. My life became so much fuller all because something had gone wrong. I hadn't realized how strong I was but when I was faced with a challenge, when my anxiety attempted to disrupt my life, I learned how to overcome it. I am inspired to help others to do the same. Overcoming my anxiety helped me realize we all struggle and when we find common ground we can help one another through truly difficult times.

- Erin, when you quote a passage or something that someone said, you need to cite the source or tell us where you heard it. Quotes can usually be used to open an essay but not in the format that you have it now. You need to tell us to said it and use italics for the characters so that we know it is a separate part of the essayOverall though, this is a very unique choice for a quote. I am glad you used it :-).


-... this feeling totally consumed me... I constantly vomited due to the painful sensations my body felt. My parents and I started to realize something was wrong as I became a shell of my former self. The spirited and hardworking student was now just a confused and helpless victim. The test results were definite, I had Generalized Anxiety Disorder...

- You need to explain what GAD is for the sake of the readers who are not familiar with your illness.


- serious anxiety problems ...


- I am glad your story helped her but it would also be nice if we knew the story behind your recovery :-) Please talk about your own recovery before you talk about how you were able to help the kids at the camp :-)


- ... struggle to overcome it .



- This is a redundancy. You already mentioned this earlier. Try to say something else in its place to make your closing statement stronger. Try to end with a stronger message of hope and strength if possible.

"During my junior year of high school my life changed, I began to feel my chest tighten up."

I would say instead, "During my junior year, my life changed. I began to feel my chest tighten up." I do not think you need the "of high school", junior year is good and you don't want your essay to get too wordy. :)

I loved your ideas. You have a way of connecting the reader to the situation that you were in. I like that. I think the essay is a little to condensed. What I mean is don't summarize a lot of information. Tell the reader what you learned from experiencing this.

I like your essay, but I feel that it was a bit rushed. Maybe you should explain in greater detail what the feelings of anxiety were. Another thing you could do is have a conclusion with more of your voice. The current conclusion is good, but it sounds like something any high school student would write. Write something that portrays you more than anything else.

overall story is fine but i feel the transition from a certain situation to another situation is too sudden

A sense of relief washed over me, just knowing that all of these feelings had a definition. During the last few months of my junior year my grades began to improve and I was a happier person.

good luck

I was practically crying. This was so amazing and it really brought out the struggles so many face. I liked how you weaved a story within your essay, and also how you showed your transition.

I literally cannot think of anything that would help you improve it; I think it's perfect as is.