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"my knowledge of engineering" explain academic performance : Virginia Tech supplement


diarramarie1 2 / 5  
Nov 11, 2010   #1
Please read my essay for Virginia Tech explaining my academic performance and correct and grammatical errors. I also need to shorten it. The max is 250 words and this essay is 302 words.

Many people transfer from school to school of different academic levels with ease. They manage to fit in socially while maintaining scholarly ranks such as honor roll or Headmaster's list. I was one of those students; until the beginning of high school.

Filled with ascertains, I entered one of the best schools on the small island where I reside, for my freshman year. I was in for a surprise when discovering how difficult my classes were: specifically, physical science and algebra. As I sat and watched my grade point average decrease before my eyes; I knew drastic changes would be implemented. My algebra instructor volunteered to tutor me, and I happily accepted the offer. My grades increased slightly but, not to my satisfaction.

During my sophomore and junior year subtle changes were made in academic performance. My self-esteem for academics was boosted by the only teacher who displayed faith in my intelligence: my algebra teacher. Becoming cognizant of my inner being, I realized that although receiving poor grades in physical science; a lesson was learned. I am saturated with the potential energy as a 2,000 ton, iron ball at fifty yards in the sky.

This is currently my senior year. Figuratively, I am releasing that ball: filled with intelligence, creativity, sportsmanship, leadership, innovative thinking, and confidence. My academic performance and maturity has exponentially increased; from C's to B's, to presently, A's.

To sum it all up, there were unimpressive scores in my high school year but, they are rising along with my individuality, Virginia Polytechnic Institute is the institution that can become the H2O to my plant of life. Through this institution, my knowledge of engineering would be expanded; so that one day I may improve prosthetic legs, arms or even hearts for a person filled with potential energy just like me.
kdboadu 2 / 10  
Nov 11, 2010   #2
Many people transfer from school to school of (try "that have" different academic levels with ease. They manage to fit in socially while maintaining scholarly ranks such as honor roll or Headmaster's list. I was one of those students; until the beginning of high school.

Filled with ascertains, I entered one of the best schools on the small island where I reside, for my freshman year. I was in for a surprise when (awkward) discovering how difficult my classes were: specifically, physical science and algebra. As I sat and watched my grade point average decrease before my eyes; (put a comma instead) I knew drastic changes would be implemented ("had to be made" You can keep implemented but change to fit it in). My algebra instructor volunteered to tutor me, and I happily accepted the offer. My grades increased slightly but, not to my satisfaction.

During my sophomore and junior year subtle changes were made in academic performance. My self-esteem for academics was boosted by the only teacher who displayed faith in my intelligence: (semicolon) my algebra teacher. Becoming cognizant of my inner being, I realized that although (^I was) receiving poor grades in physical science; a lesson was learned. I am saturated with the potential energy as a 2,000 ton, iron ball at fifty yards in the sky. (very much need but very out of place, try a transition)

This is currently my senior year . Figuratively, I am releasing that ball: filled with intelligence, creativity, sportsmanship, leadership, innovative thinking, and confidence. My academic performance and maturity has exponentially increased; from C's to B's, to presently, A's.

To sum it all up, there were unimpressive scores in my high school year but, they are rising along with my individuality, Virginia Polytechnic Institute is the institution that can become the H2O to my plant of life (I like this!). Through this institution, my knowledge of engineering would be expanded; so that one day I may improve prosthetic legs, arms or even hearts for a person filled with potential energy just like me. (amazing ending)

Hope I helped! Good luck!
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,321 129  
Nov 19, 2010   #4
Filled with ascertains anticipation, I entered one of the best schools

My self-esteem for academics was boosted by the only teacher who displayed faith in my intelligence: (semicolon) my algebra teacher.
Do it like this:
Only one teacher displayed faith in my intelligence and boosted my self-esteem for academics: my algebra teacher.

Good sentence here:
To sum it all up, there were unimpressive scores in my high school year but, they are rising along with my individuality. Virginia Polytechnic Institute is the institution that can ...


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