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Knowledge of Languages is precious; Common App Essay


rbyoussef 2 / 4  
Dec 19, 2012   #1
Hey Everyone, this is an essay I wrote for BU but was hoping to use for the common App. The problem is that it is over the word limit by 50 words (that's about two sentences). Someone also told me that my thesis should be placed in earlier paragraphs. Thus if you could help me review the contents and cut it down, I'd really appreciate it.

To gain the knowledge of another language, whether of computers and binary information or a spoken one is a very precious skill. However, when it comes to judge which is more useful, and valuable, I find it necessary to draw from past experiences to answer such a challenging question. Even though I was taught the English language in my home country, of Egypt; as an immigrant to the U.S., I faced the obstacle of learning many additional English skills. In Egypt, I was only taught British English, so I struggled to learn the American accent, and colloquialisms. I also found it very hard to put my thoughts into English words, for I was only taught how to read and write. As for computer language, I cannot claim of knowing the signs and symbols of coding and programming language, if any. However, I have the experience of knowing the base language that leads to the Computer Language, Mathematics. The language of Math is similar to that of Computers in that, it's systematic and precise.

I remember the type of person I was one year after immigrating; I felt true appreciation for the mathematic world which speaks to all equally. Due to my lack of English, I struggled in many classes, and Algebra, unsurprisingly, was the only class I did well in. Four years later, I have learned to find beauty in every foreign language other than my native tongue, Arabic. My reason for such a change of heart stems, I believe, from me actually having to learn another language, and the benefits that came with pushing myself to gain that knowledge. From making new friends, and socializing, to better educating myself and earning the grades I deserve. However, the single most treasured profit that came with a new language was the new perspective and insight into other societies.

Growing up in a Middle Eastern country, one is bound to be exposed to bias, and aversive views of the U.S. As a child, I was exposed to a tremendous amount of propaganda that I actually remember siding with Saddam Hussein- a dictator! -in his war against America. I later learned that such criticism was in fact prejudiced, and nowhere near how I really felt. My discovery was backed up by my newly acquired perception of noble ideals that the United States does support. Democracy, liberty, and ability to move up easily in social ranks were and are America's basis, and I was in love with them. As a persecuted minority, I appreciated greatly the freedom of religion. All of which I could never know, if not for my social interactions and speaking in government classes.

Thus, one can observe that while computer language is a good way to communicate and use the world's endless resources, human languages are even more powerful. Languages carry with them an extra dimension of culture that is incredibly rich and potent. This force not only creates intercontinental bonds, but also stimulates human thinking. I learned how influential a new language was, when I was liberated from propaganda that aimed to create animosity. Only by depriving Egypt the means to connect to the outer world-of which knowing other languages are essential to create- were leaders able to control the simple minded, including the child that I was.
nairbear68 6 / 29 6  
Dec 19, 2012   #2
for the common app you basically upload you document so i'm pretty sure they can't check on your word count. i know because i uploaded and submitted an essay that was over by just a few words. you should be fine with 50 words.

you should have someone look over your grammatical mistakes as your first language is not english. there is some lack of flow in your essay for example:

To gain the knowledge of another language, whether of computers and binary information or a spoken one is a very precious skill.

sounds weird and i had to re-read several times because i thought you were saying that computers and binary info were two different languages. also there should be a comma after "a spoken one" since you are finishing your sentence with the verb phrase.

please take a look at my kpop essay if you have time :)


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