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'Knowledge matters. People matter. Life matters' - Stanford


22kcox 5 / 22  
Dec 31, 2011   #1
Many sleepless nights allow for questions of why, what are we doing here, and where do I belong to cloud my mind, demanding answers while none are there. I live by the coined phrase, "There is a reason for everything,"-a reason God created such an amazing intellectual race capable of complex emotions, with developed moral and ethical codes. There is no other species like that of humans on this planet. Therefore, there must be a purpose for each one of our lives, and I don't believe in wasting them. Discovering the reasons for everything while determining my purpose is what matters to me most. With such discoveries I believe I can change the world.

My desire for uncovering answers is my motivation. Unsatisfied with the unknown, my untamed curiosity causes me to ask a plethora of questions from "how exactly do airplanes fly" to "how can lack of sun cause depressions." My persistent nature doesn't allow me to accept empty answers such as "because I said so" or "because that's the way it's always been" -I want to know why. Upon mastering great understand comes the ability to connect with others from multiple different angles.

With knowledge, my compassion can be demonstrated. My desire to aid in the struggles common to the human race is why knowledge is so vital. Without a strong understanding of the "why's" and "how's" I cannot help benefit others as former erudite scholars have before me. Uncovering reason allows for understanding of people, and how to relate to others in a way so that together we can enhance this great planet we call home. When we give up on knowledge, and the desire to discover greater reasoning, society will fall to ignorance. Ignorance attributes to misunderstandings and assumptions that ultimately result in our downfall.

Knowledge is endless, and my yearning for understanding of the greater truths is continuous. My need to expand my personal databank encourages me to find people and places that will add kindling to my unceasing fire.

luvicemocha 2 / 20  
Jan 1, 2012   #2
I think is great... I love how you explain your idea and I think the admissions office will really like it.. I didn't find any erros but you might want someone else to take a look also.. could you check mine please?? and also the comment I post it because I made a few changes?
nthnschgr 1 / 9  
Jan 1, 2012   #3
haha I like your essay a lot. It is really abstract, which is appealing, but it contains a lot of conjecture and few solid examples, perhaps balancing these slightly will make it almost perfect. Loved your very last sentence though.

Upon mastering great understand comes the ability to connect with others from multiple different angles. <--- verb tense on "understand"

Knowledge is endless, and my yearning for understanding of the greater truths is continuous. <---this sentence seemed a little awkward to me.
CVP1993 3 / 10  
Jan 1, 2012   #4
1.

Many sleepless nights allow for questions of why? What am I doing here, and where do I belong? to cloud my mind, demanding answers while none are there.

2.

Therefore, there must be a purpose for each one of our lives, and I want to fulfill mine .

3.

Discovering the reasons for everything while determining my purpose is what matters to me most.

I feel like saying "the reasons for everything" is really broad. And if you do believe in God (as do I) then you would know that while we are living we will never discover the "reasons" or better yet, the answers for the why certain things are the way they are. I would consider re-wording or finding new words for that part.

4.

"how can lack of sun cause depressions? "

5.

Upon mastering great understanding comes the ability to connect with others from multiple different angles.

I don't think this sentence serves any purpose within your essay, and you might want to think about deleting it.

6.

My desire to aid in the struggles that are common to the human race is why my thirst for knowledge is so vital.

7.

Without a strong understanding of the "why's" and "how's" I cannot helpleave behind researchbenefitthat helps to benefit others aslike former erudite scholars have before me.

8. I really like your last few sentences, they definitely add a sophisticated touch to your essay overall. That being said, I see where you're trying to go, but I think with another editing session and some touching up your essay will really shine. Right now it sounds good, but it's not really showing your personality, you know? It is very formal and while I do understand that this is for Stanford and you want to impress (I'm applying there too), you should still keep in mind that your audience wants to know one simple question. What matters to you? They're not looking for a formal thesis, they just want to know what you are passionate about, and I can tell that you do have a yearning for research and studies, but the way you present that in writing almost stifles your voice.

I really hope this helps you out a bit and I wish you the best with all of your applications!! Hopefully we'll both be at Stanford come fall!


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