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'Korea volunteering work' - UC accomplishment meaningful to me.


k8255 3 / 3  
Nov 23, 2009   #1
Hello everyone!

I have written my essay for the University of California.

Please give me any critiques!

Doing volunteer work has always been a crucial part of my life. Initially, I would simply follow my parents, who would always teach me the importance of sharing, to volunteer sites. In other words, I had been a passive volunteer worker. Also, I did not comprehend my parents because to me, doing something that has no apparent payback seemed worthless. I had not been aware of the fact that volunteer work should be active and come from heart. However, as years passed by, I greatly began to greatly appreciate the very joy of 'giving'.

I would look for volunteer works in my town and form teams of students to help out those in need. It was about then when I came to realize my true potential as a giver.

In the winter of 2007, there was a huge oil spill at the town of Tae-An in Korea which devastated the ecosystem and people who greatly depend on it. Everyday on television, news channels were bombarding me with horrific images of black ocean and dying marine organisms. Local people who were heavily dependent on fishing seemed destitute. I desperately wanted to offer a helping hand. I started researching ways to help and eventually headed to Tae-An with some of my friends.

After five hours of bus ride, I arrived at the site of the oil spill. Unfortunately, the situation was worse than what I had heard or seen. The ocean and nearby islands were covered with oil. Yet, what relieved me was that there were hundreds and thousands of other volunteer workers like me. They were all willing to give and happy to be able to share what they had. Some were cooking food to be offered to other volunteer workers while others were cleaning the rocks with pieces of cloth. After changing into clothes that I did not care getting dirty, I started cleaning the rocks. It was a long and arduous toil, but I was happy to serve for the community. Workers would sing together to lessen the fatigue. Also, we would dance together to boost our morale. Furthermore, we would encourage each other how gifted we were for being able to volunteer. Finally, after the work was done, I was thanked by local citizens which made me proud of myself.

Being an active volunteer proved that I could in fact be a productive and influential person in my community. It has also shaped me into an individual who possesses the ability to share with others and appreciate what is given to me. Being able to Offer a helping hand to those who may be less privileged than I am acts as an incentive for me to strive more industriously and spread the joy of sharing.
Godizgood 3 / 18  
Nov 24, 2009   #2
FIRST OF ALL GREAT JOB. I AM LOVING IT!
I HAVE ONE SUGGESTION WHICH IS TRY TO TALK MORE ABOUT HOW VOLUNTEERING MADE YOU, YOU. TRY NOT TO LET THE EVENT TAKE UP THE WHOLE ESSAY
meisj0n 8 / 272 2  
Nov 24, 2009   #3
CAPS FTW!!!!! lolz.

In your intro, try presenting a more positive statement. try not to have half of it as being a passive giver. shorten that and focus on your strength- as a happy one. that while you did not see the importance of volunteering and sharing, you overcame this attitude and became an active individual in your community +world. looks like you were even a leader. emphasize that instead.

About the event, you do a good job presenting why that was important/meaningful,
carolinetu 1 / 3  
Nov 26, 2009   #4
Nice experience and well-written.


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