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jxssx 1 / -  
Mar 11, 2019   #1
Hi! This is my very first time posting here. I hope to get some advices about how can I improve my personal statement. Thank you!

Personal Statement

Why I decided to apply for this program? At first I thought it was just a fleeting moment of my youth, I thought that I would forget it the next week, but no. With the pass of the months I realized that this is something I really want, it became my priority and my biggest goal, that is why I started to do a lot of things that can be useful to have a chance to get the scholarship. Now, that I am almost a university student I decided that getting the scholarship is the start of the way I am going to show myself I can do something to change the world, to try to change the days that are waiting for us in the future.

The department I'm applying for is linguistics. Why did I choose linguistics? For me is easy to answer: we can't do anything without the communication by speaking or write something. The greatest scientists couldn't make the world know about their discovers if they couldn't communicate it one way or another; so yes, it's true that technology is important these days since we're living in a world that requires it, but how can we express all the knowledge science give us? There's no other way but the language, the same one that is going to be essential part of the future world's development by making a union between nations. Through the language we can create the perfect tool for the next advances.

But not everything was that easy to get to the final decision about my career. I have to be honest, the first year of college was the worst in my whole academic life, I did not know what I wanted to do with my life I just thought about leisure and have fun as a 15 years old girl. At the final of that year I realized that the way I was doing it wouldn't take me to the life I wanted in the future, I felt lost, I had no purposes, that took me to think about me, about my capacities... "I got it!" I said. The answer was the languages, people who is close to me always tell me that I have talent to learn them and I can easily become fluent, also I realized that languages has always been my passion since I learned English by my own without an official teacher until the secondary school. I really can do anything related with language without receiving any kind of payment. Little by little I discovered that I want to be a person who belongs to the world and by learning new languages I started to get more information about other cultures different to mine, every time I'm more excited to know about the society as long as the language let me.

It was not easy to get to the final decision of apply for the scholarship, I thought a lot about it over and over, I was not sure about taking this big risk. At the end I decided to leave all behind to get my goal, it does not matter the price I have to pay for, I am disposed to leave my house and family for years and even the education that I receive in Mexico to go for something that I know, will be important for the future of both nations since the relationship between these countries is becoming closer. I am aware about the impact of South Korea here in Mexico not only with the contemporary culture but also the traditional culture; more and more people are interested about the country and they are looking for people who are into this topic to show them want they want to know. On my college which is part of UNAM (National Autonomous University of Mexico) there are many cultural workshops about Korea which I didn't heard before when I was a child, I think this is because Korea is expanding a lot because of its amazing technology advances, ideologies, traditions, modern life style and all it has to offer to the entire world. Also as Korea is a country totally different to mine, the way the education is given, amazed me because I am a student with a disciplinate study form since if one thing does not result as I want, I practice and study until is completely good. I think that the way of my study can fits with the Korean study programs, so I believe that I would feel comfortable studying in it's universities.

In this process, my family has always been by my side, my relatives and closest friends always cheer me and they show me their interest on support me. My dad always tells me that I don't have to give up and that I have to work even harder to achieve my goals. My mom is a vital inspiration for me; she studied her bachelor degree when she was already a mother and even with the difficulties she had around that process, she graduated with honors being one of the best ones of her generation. Since that day I decided I had to follow her example and go over the hard moments to achieve the dream, the goal, the wish. So, here I am, challenging myself to get the scholarship in South Korea.

Respective with my experiences with the country, I had a closer experience with Korea when I started to study the language in a christian church which is powered by Koreans. Many people of around my age come to Mexico every year as voluntaries and we make a cultural exchange, so there was a time when I was really closer to this church and I had the chance of being part of the staff of one of the various camps they make all over the year. In that opportunity the camp was Korea's thematic and I had a direct contact with these culture in particular, I learned about simple things like the convenience store culture until the ancient history of this fascinating country; and the most important part was that I could share my culture with the Korean volunteers and they could share yours with me, even though in that time no one of us couldn't speak the foreign language that well. This last part is what I want to do at a big scale when I finally get the scholarship, my desire is to spread my culture as far as I can, and receive what Korea have to me as well.

asmara1 1 / 4  
Mar 11, 2019   #2
Hello, jxssx !

In my opinion, this essay is far from the expected personal statement for several reasons.

1. First of all, you should be more specific. The language you use is very abstract, especially in the 1st paragraph. The commetee doesn`t want to read basic and apparent statements, they expect from you more detailed and specific reasons why you want to study in Korea.

2. Secondluy, I advise you to omit the 3rd paragrapgh since it will signal the cometee that you are quite indecisive person. Moreover, there is no need to describe your hardship, it seems like you want the cometee to be sorry for you, to pity you. In other words, the cometee are likely to choose candidates that are more assertive.

3. Furthermore, your writing should be more formal and without direct speech like this "I got it!" I said.

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