Hello, I am a Korean.
I am not a good English writer and I need your help ;)
I wrote a 3 paragraph essay about a person who influenced you before you enter university, check it and feedback please.
Title ; The person who make me quit the company.
When I was 24 years old, I had just graduated from the college and I fortunately got into a major company in Korea through the open competitive employment. I had eleven colleagues who hired at the same time, all of them had graduated from a four-year-course college, but I was only not. My co-workers took part in the project, but I just conducted a simple business, that is why I often felt a rough deal in the office because of my age and my academic background. There was one superior who graduated a two-year-course college and did like me in my office. He always encouraged me when I felt blue about the raw deal and he told me advised and experiences of his life. And after 2 years, I decided to study English language in the University by his suggestion.
Unfortunately, many people tend to think that a person who have a university diploma have better job performance than just 2 year-course college graduate in Korea society. The superior who had a similar experience to me knew through his experience that how to survivor with competitor in the office. He advised me if you really want to become who help the company, you need to keep learning and studying. Actually he studied English in an academy after work and he learned business administration in the cyber-university on a weekend when his co-workers were drinking after work and they took a rest on a weekend. 2 years later, He was gotten promoted the fastest out of those who joined the company at the same time as him. I went to English class with him after work, I was planning to learn languages in the cyber-university by his suggestion. But I am not multi-player as him. I knew I couldn't juggle study and work like an old saying "You can't have your cake and eat it.", I decided I quit the company and transfer to the Hankuk University of Foreign Studies. Now, Even though I work part time job, I learn English language in the university and I really spend happy time. I always thank to my superior to help me study again.
I had no dream when I worked in the company. I just hoped to go on working without worry about "be fired". But I have a dream now. If someone asks me "what kind of person you want to be?" It is no easy question to answer. I will say "I would like to be a teacher." Nowadays, I am seriously considering about entering a graduate school of education. I hope to help foreign students who want to study Korean language to learn it. I am trying to become a person who influences students as the superior who influenced to change my life.
Point.
In the 1st paragraph, give a general description about the person who had an influence on your life.
In the 2nd paragraph, specify how the person affected your life in detail.
in the 3rd paragraph, specify what kind of person you would like to be after you graduate from university.
Please, help me T.T
Hi Sheldon,
In my opinion, instead of explaining all detail about yours & his activities, you should explain more about how that person has influenced you.
It seems that you have very good ideas in your mind, just arrange that in a proper format with example.
Hope this helps:)
Good luck.
Thanks,
Ana.
