What's your latest discovery? What do you hope to learn next?
Korean Passion
Being that I'm an army brat, I've had the chance to live in different countries with many distinct cultures. Having a first-hand account of these locations made me aware of the fact that I love traveling and experiencing new facts about a culture. The most interesting thing I love about different cultures is their music. I have always had an interest in music made outside of the country, but none have had an appeal to make me want to support the artist or buy an album. However, one day by accident, I discovered a new genre of music, and now it's about the only thing I listen to.
One day, while cleaning, I decided I to listen to music so I turned my television channel to MTV. I accidentally pressed a different number on the remote and it turned to KTN (Korean Television Network) channel. The show that was on was called Music Bank, a South Korean version of MTV. It was a music channel, so I decided to give the show a try. Although the music was in Korean, the channel had subtitles and some of the words were in English so I could get a hint as to what the performer was singing. One group that performed, called Girl's Generation caught my attention. There were 10 girls as a pop singing group! Amazed at this, I powered off the vacuum and watched to see if they could pull this feat off. The girls, vibrantly fashioned from head to toe danced and sang perfectly, not one missing a step as they sang live. Not only was there performance great, but their song was catchy! After their performance was over, I couldn't help but hum the song as I cleaned. Occasionally, other performances stopped me from cleaning, either because of the artist's performance was nicely done or the beat of the song was too catchy to not miss. When the show was over, not only was I sold to watch the show as a frequent viewer, but I also found a new obsession called K-Pop.
K-Pop or Korean Pop, which has a wide fan-base, ranging from Asia to Saudi Arabia, has made its way to a little town in Georgia. Now as a new avid listener of K-Pop, I wanted to know what the performers were singing in their catchy songs, so I began to study Korean. The ability to know what the songs were saying in English gave me a connection to the artist and a inspiration boost in myself to know that I can accomplish anything I have passion for.
After a few months of listening to K-Pop, I now have a list of favorite artists and a small knowledge of Korean vocabulary. The ability to be able to talk with some of my Korean friends in Korean makes me have the desire to study this language even more. Through college, I plan to learn Korean not only for my self benefit, but also for my future career in nursing. That one day listening to K-Pop has changed my outlook on foreign cultures for the better. Passion is what drives me and passion will help me to succeed.
Any comments would be appreciated!
First sentence can be revised to, "Being an army brat, I've had chances
Combine "The most interesting thing I love about different cultures is their music. I have always had an interest in music made outside of the country, but none have had an appeal to make me want to support the artist or buy an album." TO The most interesting thing I love about different cultures is their musicbecause I have always had an interest in music made outside of the country, but none have had an appeal to make me want to support the artist or buy an album.
Extra "I" in the beginning of paragraph 2, sentence 1.
Because it was a music channel, I decided to give the show a try. (the word try seems too informal, but it's your decision to change it or not)
I believe you can take the comma between "which has a wide fan-base, ranging from Asia to Saudi Arabia" (3rd paragraph, 1st sentence)
Maybe you should list what kind of benefits Korean has on your goal of nursing.
This is a fragment, revise:
That one day listening to K-Pop has changed my outlook on foreign cultures for the better.
Have a statement that connects learning Korean, listening to K-pop to this concluding sentence:
Passion is what drives me and passion will help me to succeed.
I hope this helped!
