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"labeled as a "tattletale." - UC

kaaseythomaas 2 / 1  
Sep 7, 2011   #1
any criticism or help would be greatly appreciated :)

Tell us about a personal quality, talent, accomplishment, contribution or experience that is important to you. What about this quality or accomplishment makes you proud and how does it relate to the person you are.

No six year old ever wants to be labeled as a "tattletale." It immediately gives your fellow classmates the right to tease you, isolate you on the playground, and chose you last for kickball. It was the beginning of first grade, and I was a little nervous to be a "big kid" now, away from the comfort of circle time, and snack time. Being in first grade came with responsibilities, like remembering what number hook your backpack hung on, and what desk you sat at each day. I was quick to memorize and retain all of this information, as well as obtaining each thing that was recommended on the supply list so that I wouldn't be the one to get left behind; my organization skills were apparent even at the young age of six. Class leaders needed to be chosen, and I was the first to raise my hand. I liked the responsibilities that came with first grade, and I felt that as class leader, I could manage other people's responsibilities as well. One day, a classmate that I was unfamiliar with came up to me on the playground and asked if he could show me something. Being a first grader, I was unaware of anything perilous that could be going on under the roof of John Muir Elementary School. I agreed, wondering if it might be a new Pokémon card, or perhaps a new Hot Wheels car. I was more than surprised when he pulled out a knife; this was not a small pocketknife, but a large hunting knife. He said he had found it in his garage, something that most likely belonged to his father, but had taken it anyways. He admitted to being unsure about what he was going to do about it and weather he was going to put it back where he found it once he returned home from school. I did not feel threatened by my classmate, but I definitely did not feel good about going to school with someone who possessed a knife. I pondered what my next course of action should be, and decided to take this matter up with two of my closest friends. They both agreed that it was "none of my business" and that I shouldn't be such a tattletale. However, I did not feel the same way. This difference in opinion sparked a feeling of independence, and that feeling brought instant satisfaction. I immediately went to our principal to inform her of this incident and my classmate got suspended from school for bringing the knife. I didn't particularly like the feeling of being a tattletale, but to my surprise, I was not mocked or teased. Instead, I became a role model to my fellow first graders. My principal rewarded me with a pencil that said in swirly, colorful letters "Congrats on being a leader." That pencil spoke to me more than the words engraved on the side of it. Being a leader of not only my classmates, but of my own mind, opinions, and decisions became something that makes me proud to this day. That fateful day in the beginning of first grade has outlined a path of independence and leadership that have both remained important traits that make up the individual I am today.

EF_Kevin 8 / 13,334 129  
Sep 17, 2011   #2
Use a hyphen for year-old.

I have a suggestion... in an essay like this, the reader is not so interested in the person you were as a six year-old. The reader is interested in the person you are not. The reader is interested in the way you thoughtfully analyze the meaning of the story. So, I think you should tell the whole story in 1 or 2 sentences. Then, spend the rest of the essay showing how that story is meaningful and RELEVANT to the same inspiration that makes you want to attend this particular school.

Even if you write many facts in the essay, the reader will remember only one idea about you.


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