My labor of love; UIUC essay/ Motivation to transfer

ESSAY: In an essay of 300 words or less, explain your motivation to transfer from your current/former institution to Illinois and how your academic interests and/or professional goals will be fulfilled in your intended program of study.

this is a rough draft...i have to submit it by day after so a few quick responses...ok who am i kidding ?!...ANY help would be greatly appreciated !!

One of the earliest memories I have of my childhood, are the few rare trips my family made to my hometown - the city of Calcutta. I remember there was a river that passed by my grandfather's house. My grandmother would often take me there at night and, sitting on the banks, she would point out the various constellations. Each constellation had its own story; stories that were handed down generation to generation. The stars represented ancient kings and gods strewn across the ivory canvas, each playing their part in the working of the cosmos.

Sitting there, I would often (quite pretentiously!) ponder upon the mysteries of the universe. I would think how nice it would be to have a crystal ball; the kind you can peer into and see the clockwork of the universe on its grandest scale! Growing up in the mysterious land of India, playing hide and seek in its intriguing alleyways, I was drawn, from an early age, to the working of the cosmos. I needed to see what made things tick!

As you can see it wasn't a really difficult choice I was making when I decided upon engineering as my labor of love. Also, being naturally competent at physics and logical analysis gives me an edge; one that I plan to put to great use.

New frontiers, whether it be Nano-tech or micro-electronics, are being explored even as I type this essay, and God do I want to be a part of it! I want to be there when the "next-big-thing" happens, even if it's to lend a crowbar! I believe that a guiding hand from your prestigious institution is just the boost I'll require to launch myself into the electronics research arena.

And I might just get my crystal ball after all!

I'm always worried about statements like this; it can give off the wrong vibe and make it sound as though you are interested in the school just because of its name/reputation


maintain the same tense in your writing





choose either few or rare, together they are redundant


no comma after childhood

These are just some suggestions. I enjoyed reading your essay very much. Best of luck to you!

i can't believe i missed out on those basic mistakes ! i'm practically slapping myself now :/ anyways thanks a ton !! really appreciate your spending so much time on this to give such a comprehensive account :)

Its no problem at all! I was happy to help. Best of luck to you!

Tirthak,
Your essay is good but it doesn't convey the reason why you are shifting from one college to another.
Please help me with mine.