Evaluate a significant experience, achievement, risk you have taken, or ethical dilemma you have faced and its impact on you.
ORIGINAL
A lack of effort has never been my problem. When I ran track at the junior varsity level, I spent every practice chasing the varsity sprinters with everything I had. I wouldn't stop when I got tired; I stopped when there was insufficient oxygen in my system to sustain eyesight- or when I threw up. No for me it's been about capacity, which, when speaking of academics, is as much of a blessing as a curse. It was in AP European History that I was first presented with a challenge I could pursue without respect to a body that so frequently failed me in track practice. All that success in academics required was an able mind and strong will.
I could work for perfection in these AP classes. Sleep was of ill consequence as I had coffee and parents proud of my work ethic. From sophomore year to, well, about two weeks ago, I had simply worked and worked and worked, into and sometimes straight through the night. These nights I would feel pain throughout my entire body, but being that I didn't throw up and I could still see- I pressed on. I'd often spend hours gathering information that I knew wouldn't be on the test- just for the rush of pounding down cups of coffee and to later relish in what I thought to be a most admirable work ethic. I just ignored the fact that I spent my days living as a zombie.
This November, my system was pushed to its breaking point. College applications aside, I had taken a two week mission trip to Cambodia the month prior which had unexpectedly become three weeks when I came down with malaria. As soon as I recovered I fell back on my proven system: work until your body shuts down. I stood a week of self-inflicted abuse before salvation came in the form a revelation. In a moment lucid in experience but now surreal in memory, I finally understood --
It was a cycle.
Staying up late didn't help my grades or performance any more than would sleep! The only difference being, sleep affords such mental clarity during the day that commitments not only academic but also personal- receive more quality attention than if I spent twice the time working toward them with no sleep. By working into delirium nightly, I just didn't have the presence of mind to see that my other commitments were suffering during the day.
While an unorthodox lesson learned from a mission trip of 8,000 miles and an often fatal disease, I'm very glad to have hit that wall. I still have every intention of giving everything I have in my pursuits (both in and after college) but now I see to do so without respecting my body is counterproductive. I look forward to a life in which I pursue my commitments with not only the best of my well slept efforts, but also with contagious enthusiasm.
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REVISED
From sophomore year to, well, about one month ago, I simply worked and worked and worked, into and sometimes straight through the night. Sleep was of ill consequence as I had coffee and parents proud of my work ethic. These nights I would feel pain throughout my entire body, but being that I didn't throw up and I could still see straight- I pressed on. I'd often spend hours gathering information that I knew wouldn't be on the test- just for the rush of pounding down cups of coffee and to later relish in what I thought to be a most admirable work ethic. I ignored the fact that I spent my days living as a zombie.
This November, my system was pushed to its breaking point. College applications aside, I had taken a two week mission trip to Cambodia the month prior which had unexpectedly become three weeks when I came down with malaria. As soon as I recovered I fell back on my proven system: work until your body shuts down. I stood a week of self-inflicted abuse before salvation came in the form a revelation. In a moment lucid in experience but now surreal in memory, I finally understood-
It was a cycle.
Staying up late didn't help my grades or performance any more than would sleep! By working into delirium nightly, I just didn't have the presence of mind to see that my other commitments were suffering during the day. While in the most confined sense this lesson is of balancing sleep and work, I don't plan on confining it. The fact that it took so long for me to realize what was happening, and the benefits I've already seen from just so much as seven hours a night, have led me to be more aware of my approach to my weaknesses versus my strengths.
It's irrational to spend an inordinate amount of time working on my most stubborn areas of weakness in say, AP Literature or Student Government, when I could with improve in areas of equal detriment with less work. It's really the idea of picking my battles wisely, something I've understood in the interpersonal realm of conflict management but never thought to apply to the intrapersonal realm of time management. This may seem obvious to some but it sure didn't seem obvious to me. Luckily, there are plenty out there to see the obvious for me; I just need to listen to them.
But more than coming to a more effective strategy to improve upon areas of weakness, in these past few weeks I've noticed some of my biggest strengths in academia. I ask pointed and purposeful questions, formulated to yield succinct answers to otherwise extremely "grey" topics. I provoke discussion and solicit the opinions of other brilliant people around me, and I enjoy doing so! This revelation, experienced during a caffeine-fueled and pain-ridden perfectionistic study session, has provided me with a newfound importance of self-awareness, and of strengths and weaknesses.
While the original provides a nice background to the experience, the revised really shows how you've grown from your revelation. I think that's what colleges would most like to see, how the experience has changed you for the better rather than a focus on the struggle itself. Also, the tone is more pleasant in the second, while the first almost sounds masochistic. Both are very well-written, otherwise! Best of luck.
