Hey everyone! I wrote this essay for the 'Why Lafayette?' prompt from Lafayette College, and I'd like some thoughts on it :) do you think it's specific enough? Any criticism is appreciated!! (it's still a little bit long, so please let me know if there's anything I can delete)
Why Lafayette? (20-200 words)
In my native Guatemala, the notion I had about studying in the US was based on what I saw on popular media- big universities, with equally big names and reputations. I hadn't once heard the term liberal arts, until my sister applied to a small liberal arts institution in Swarthmore, PA. Following her steps, I decided to look for the same liberal arts experience in the colleges I was applying to. Lafayette wasn't the first liberal arts college I researched, but it was the school that most accurately represented the values of a liberal arts education.
I found that Lafayette would provide me with the perfect chance to explore my intense intellectual curiosity in various disciplines. For instance, I could take film courses such as Women Make Movies/Movies Make Women and linguistic classes like Elementary French while also being able to explore the Experimental Printmaking Institute in my free time. I would also relish the chance to have close relationships with members of the faculty, engaging in respectful debate about the subjects that most intrigue me, perhaps with Prof. Sikand or Prof. Groo.
I wanted to attend a place where personal development is as important as intellectual growth, and Lafayette's commitment to an integral education convinced me it was the best college for me. I'd be excited to be part of a community that encourages active discussion and free exchange of ideas, because I believe this will help me grow as a critical and free-thinking individual. I see Lafayette as a place where I can thrive-as a woman of color, an artist, and as a budding filmmaker. I hope I can experience Lafayette as a student of the Class of 2022.
I think that overall you did a great job. The only think that I would change is when you say about film courses. Don't say "for instance I could take..." because it says that you are not sure about it. Say that you definitely want/cannot wait to take it. You have to tell the reader that you are really into it. Hope it helps :)
Holt Educational Consultant - / 10,351 3366
Inés, the biggest question would be "Why Lafayette for your college major?" You have to explain why you chose the university based upon your academic motivations, learning considerations, and personal growth. These are the 3 main considerations that a foreign student must have when considering an out of the country college or university for attendance. More importantly, the reason why you feel that, as a foreign student living on campus, you will be able to perfectly blend into the student community. Saying that you want to follow in your sister's footsteps isn't really going to impress the reviewer. It just makes it seem like you are imitating your sister in your choice of college or university. Saying that you researched liberal universities tells the reviewer that Lafayette is not your first choice university, which makes it insulting to learn and could affect your application. Try to avoid these information in the presentation of your essay. You could tank your application in the process. You can try discussing your choice of Lafayette based upon your major of choice and what makes Lafayette stand out as an academic institution of choice in this field. Like I said, you could also decide to use the first 3 sets of information in the revised essay if you wish to. This current essay isn't really going to impress the reviewer in my opinion because it doesn't deliver on the choice information that will show how you decided to enroll at Lafayette over the other universities. This has to sound like your first choice university even if it isn't.
Here are some of my suggestions. You should not tell Lafayette wasn't the first school you researched. This will not impress the reviewer. Your supp gives out the examples which are great. Liberal arts college always provide students chance to learn various discipline; this point in your essay will not strong though it has example.