Why Lafayette? Comparing myself to a French general

@Holt
Why Lafayette? (200 words)

Me versus Lafayette

Comparing myself to a hero of two countries? Why not? Like how Lafayette sailed to America to pledge his service to the cause of liberation from Britain, I'm pursuing an education in the U.S to achieve my goal of promoting the well-being of others. This 17-year-old Vietnamese kid and the 18th century French general have common things in their journeys: challenges (war for Lafayette, academic for me), new environments (British colonies for Lafayette, multicultural campus for me), and financial hardship (well, for both of us). These are the "why-not's" that can discourage anyone unwilling to step out of their comfort zone, but Lafayette succeeded, and I can too. Why? But why not, when at Lafayette College, the dedication of quality faculty, embracing, supportive campus, and resources comparable to larger research universities that pushes me to exceed expectations? This academic side of the school is mixed with a sense of civic engagement, and captured simply by Professor Mary Armstrong: "Lafayette students want to do well, but they also want to do good." Having been working towards social conscience in my teenage years, I really relate to programs like women studies with Northampton County Prison inmates or FIMRC. I don't aim to be a "hero of two worlds" like General Lafayette - I want to be a contributor to one compassionate, advancing, united world. Among Leopards, my aspirations will spread and burn even brighter to fuel that purpose. (236 words)

"Cur non" or "Why not" is Marquis de Lafayette's motto and one aspect of the school's spirit. FIMRC is a program about medicine for children in developing countries. I hope these information help.

Thank you for reviewing my essay!

Khoa, try not to pose questions in your response essays. These essays are meant to be direct to the point and not waste the time of the reviewer. I know that you love to get creative in your response but there is a time and place for those types of responses. In this case, you just need to get direct to the point by simply stating facts. For example, you could still use the same line of thinking if you just say :

Just like General Lafayette, whom the college is named after, I see myself as a person trying to successfully traverse two worlds. He sailed from Britain to serve the New World, I am trying to get the my own New World in the United States to serve a higher purpose for myself and those around me...

Don't offer the reviewer a chance to ponder your statements, He doesn't have the time. Just state the facts as simply as you can. Be straight forward. Remove the questions, your response becomes stronger that way. As for the quote, don't waste it at the end of the essay. Try to find a way to use it somewhere in the first paragraph if you can. It shows the familiarity you have with the background of the university, so don't squander it by using it as part of the conclusion.

No. Do not mention the names of any professors from Lafayette unless that professor is willing to write a recommendation letter for you to go with your application. Name dropping is frowned upon in all universities because you appear to be using undue influence on the admissions committee in order to secure a spot as a student. I already made a recommendation that should work better for your application and you said you would try to insert it into the written work. What changed your mind? Don't try to over complicate things, as you are prone to do. Just stick to what we discussed and let your records and other documents speak for you as well. Mentioning people who cannot vouch for your application will have an adverse effect on your chances so don't do it.