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To me, Lafayette is an "oddly sentimental" college, sensitive enough to know what I am looking for.

gloria0001 1 / 1  
Jan 15, 2015   #1
Why Lafayette

To me, Lafayette is an "oddly sentimental" college that always thoughtful and sensitive enough to know what I am looking for.

Fully understanding my interests in learning more apart from my chosen major and eagerness to solve real-life problems I might encounter in future professional life, Lafayette approaches interdisciplinary studies in an exciting way through projects such as Frankenstein 2029 and Self-designed majors (I'm particularly fascinated by the Computational Biology study-the future of modern medicine, I believe.).

Furthermore, as an international student whom have never studied abroad before, I have to admit my anxiousness of the difficulties ahead: language barrier, different cultural backgrounds and even homesick. Luckily, study skills workshops and academic counseling service provided by ATTIC program will definitely help me thrive academically in the next four years.

Most importantly, the awareness of humanity and society that shared by both Lafayette faculty staff and students meets my commitment to pursue a career path that helps unfortunate people while retaining their dignity. By joining in student groups of Caring and Sharing, C.H.A.N.C.E, and by studying on Social Inequality/ Social Justice/ Social Policy, I am going to take the first step of achieving my goal.

Hey, this is the my application essay for Lafayette College. And honestly, I am not quite good at writing Why essays.
I think the ending of my article is hasty and careless, but I don't know how to improve it and what to say, so, really need some help:)

Btw, I also need some advice to cut the article down to 200 words.
And since English is not my first language, I am not very confident about my grammar.
Need your advice and thank you very much for your help:)

vangiespen - / 4,137 1449  
Jan 15, 2015   #2
What is the word limit on your essay? Your paragraphs are too short and under developed. It does not really help paint a clear idea as to why you chose to apply to Lafayette. You should consider 3 aspects when discussing your choice of university:

1. The major you chose to enroll in and why Lafayette is the only university that can properly address your ideas for the proper education that one should have when striving to complete this major;

2. The possible support programs, internships, mentor programs, etc. that the university offers that can help you better equip yourself for a future in this field;

3. The student community and the diversity that exists. This is of particular importance for foreign students such as yourself who may need some help in adjusting to the new culture and academic lifestyle.

Develop these ideas for your essay and you will come to realize that you actually came up with some pretty good, or near perfect answers to the question "Why Lafayette?" :-)
OP gloria0001 1 / 1  
Jan 15, 2015   #3
Thank you for your answer.I really appreciate it, but the problem is that the word limit is 200 words. Actually, I did a lot of research and there's a lot I want to talk about, but I have to delete most of them.

1. My intended major is Economic, but I really like the interdisciplinary approach Lafayette provided.
2. I mentioned some programs that I am particularly interested in, such as Frankenstein 2029, Computational Biology study(Self-designed major), ATTIC program, student group of Caring and Sharing, another student group of C.H.A.N.C.E, etc. However, due to the word limit, It seems impossible for me to talk about those programs detailly.
vangiespen - / 4,137 1449  
Jan 15, 2015   #4
You are writing essay drafts at this point so you should not consider the word limit yet. It is always in the best interest of your essay to have you write the longest possible version for it as your first draft. In that version, say everything that you need to. Don't miss out on the important parts. Then set it aside for a few hours or a day. Come back and read it. Decide which parts may be redundant or unnecessary to the essay. Mark those portions and revise the essay accordingly. Set it aside again. Give it another few hours then read it again. Decide which portions you can compress into the same paragraphs and combine them in the next version. The essay should be closer to the 200 word limit by this time. Finally, set it aside one more time and review it. Do the same process. Delete or combine as you go along and you will end up with a well written and informative 200 word essay :-)

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