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"until lambs become lions" - U of Richmond- How I left my comfort zone


kerlik 1 / 4  
Nov 29, 2011   #1
I am applying to U of Richmond. This is my supplemental essay. Since I am an international student, I might have some stupid mistakes. Please check them and review the essay if possible. :) Thanks!

"Rise and rise again until lambs become lions". This quote settled in my mind after I left my comfort zone. Of course not immediately, it came to my mind after some time. So, how I left it:

After months of searching I found that I want to study in American University in Bulgaria (AUBG). My adviser had talked to me about an opportunity to continue education there. I had TOEFL and SAT exams, but scores were insufficient to become a regular student and I enrolled as an English Language Institute (ELI) student. I had the same exams after half a year preparation in the ELI courses. My scores were good enough to be accepted. I turned back to my home and after three weeks I had notification that I accepted to the university. AUBG did not meet my financial expectations, though many students last year got better portion of financial aid. My family could not afford the university fees and I did not enroll. It meant I just failed with this university.

AUBG was the focus of my last year; I could not believe that I am not going to study there. All deadlines to apply to other institutions passed and I just have had to spend time without academic study. That was stage of unwillingness to accept reality and continued for less than a week.

The second stage was about melancholy. I had no idea what to wait from the future and what to do next. Almost all my classmates were regular students already, some of them had English preparation courses (ESL, Foundation, ELI), but still they had academic study. Dissatisfaction, depression, hardship; I felt them all at once. I left my comfort zone because of setback. This stage continued for one month.

The third stage is the main one. I call it "tabula rasa". In fact, I am an optimist and the feeling of fabulous hope inside is the main concept of it. It seems as whole world helps me: every time I talk with people, listen news, read books, and simply surf the web there is plethora of information, support and inspiration. This stage lasts as well today.

I learned that every cloud has a silver lining. I left my comfort zone because of failure and pressure. Definitely it was a challenge for me to come back.

Many say that college life is demanding. I am ready for this new challenge. It will be all right, it always is.

ka19921 3 / 8  
Nov 30, 2011   #2
"So, how I left it:" sounds weird, you should add a word or two there. Something like "and this is how I left it"

"After months of re searching I found that I wanted to study [inat American University in Bulgaria (AUBG)." I think it sounds better to say '... that I want go to the American University'

Also make sure to write everything in the same tense that happen in specific period of time.

"I had TOEFL and SAT exams, but scores were insufficient to become a regular student " You should say 'I had done the Toefl and Sat' or 'I had toefl and SAT results ...'

"AUBG was the focus of my last year; I could not believe that I am not going to study there." You meant to say that you weren't going there, right? use past tense then

"All deadlines to apply to other institutions had passed and I just have had to spend time without academic study"

This essay has potential, but I think you should work on it some more. Try to go through it with someone who speaks english well.

good luck


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