Unanswered [8] | Urgent [0]

Home / Undergraduate   % width Posts: 3

'The Lamorinda community' - UC: Where you come from

sunwoo112 1 / -  
Oct 17, 2011   #1
Hey, so I had no idea how to write this, and no idea what it's supposed to sound like, so I just winged it.

Rip it apart!

Describe where you come from and how it's shaped your dreams and aspirations.

Most television shows that target an adolescent audience follow a distinct formula. The main character would be a high school student that lives in a predominantly white upper-middleclass neighborhood with large and expensive houses and go to a clean and rich public high school with eccentric teachers and unrealistic students. There would also be other racial minorities sparsely thrown into the mix to show some semblance of racial diversity in the cast. The plot of each episode would be about some simple issue that teens are faced with every day, yet the directors of the show would blow everything out of proportion and thus, it would take an entire episode for anything to be resolved. All this would be compiled into a typical teen sitcom. The place where I come from also follows that same formula.

The Lamorinda community in the Contra Coasta County is what any parent or student could ever wish for. The community is a clean and beautiful place for the laid back and wealthy. The area is laden with trees, the housing prices are high, the kids are all nice and well mannered, and the parents are all driven and successful. I grew up never wanting for anything. My parents, just like all the other parents in the Contra Costa County, earned enough money that I got whatever I wanted. Food was always on the table, school supplies were endless and toys and all forms of entertainment were provided when asked for. I had both the financial and emotional support from my parents to pursue any subject I wanted.

Being a member of a family with money to spare has also given me many opportunities. The one that affected me the most was being able to travel to new places. My father told me, "It's important to explore new places because you're very small, the world is very big, and you understand nothing". He was right. It was an unbearable shock for me when I started traveling alone. I saw that outside my wonderful community, not everyone was like me. Before I turned 12, my parents had always gone with me on vacations and they were always there to hide the ugly truths from me. When I was alone on the subways in South Korea, I saw people who were not fortunate enough to get polio vaccinations. They were forced to crawl around with shoes strapped to their hands and knees because they could not walk. When I went to Mexico with a local church group to build houses for underprivileged families, there were people who were literally living in heaps of junk. Just a few boards balanced on top of each other with filthy, tattered pieces of cloth used as makeshift doors.

After seeing these things, I am confident to say that my dream is to remain in my teen sitcom. I want to be as successful as my parents are so that, when I grow up, my family will never have to be subjected to poverty. I want a job that will both provide for my family and help those in need. I will struggle to remain spoiled and I will fight to keep my life of luxury because I want this sense of security to be permanent. I want to look my father in the eye and say, "Yes, I'm very small. Yes, the world is very big. But I know something now. I know how good my life is and I will do everything within my power to keep it that way."

beccalevesque - / 45  
Oct 17, 2011   #2
This is very good and honest. It might be better to show your specific dreams and asperations, other than you want to keep your life out of poverty. What would you like to do in your life? maybe follow in your father's footsteps and have a job like his? A plan to keep your secure life permanent?
admission2012 - / 481 90  
Oct 17, 2011   #3

This is a very pompous essay to say the least. Although you accurately talk about where you come from, it does not come across well. Admissions officers are looking for overall well rounded students. Students who are also compassionate. Your essay makes you sound as though you have the attitude of "I am rich and I intend to stay that way." A far more appropriate spin on this essay is to talk about your relation to South Korea. Talk about how your work ethics have been shaped by your parents and your culture. Then relate this to how that culture values hard work and produces success. This way you will both accurately answer the topic without coming across as being lofty. - admissions essay advice

Home / Undergraduate / 'The Lamorinda community' - UC: Where you come from