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The language of the universe- comonapp extracurriculars essay.


abhilasha12 2 / 6  
Oct 13, 2011   #1
Please briefly elaborate on one of your extracurricular activities.

I am not ashamed to say that a beautiful symphony can make me weep like a child. Music brings out emotions in me that I did not believe existed. I am a singer, and music to me is as fundamental as breathing. Singing, rhythms and harmonies are but other ways of communication for me. My first solo stage performance was at the age of six. I can remember with dazzling clarity exactly the way I felt that day: trepidation intermingled with barely-suppressed exhilaration; the taste of anticipation tinged with a warm sense of comfort, like that was where I belonged; the rush of air entering and leaving my lungs in preparation for its imminent task, and mostly, mostly joy. I remember these emotions so clearly because I feel the same way each time I step on a stage. Music defines me beyond my extracurricular participation in choir, or playing at concerts, or being co-founder of the Music Society and lead singer of the school band. It gives me the confidence to be myself.
sm9453 2 / 4  
Oct 14, 2011   #2
I am not ashamed to say that a beautiful symphony can make me weep like a child. Music brings out emotions in me that I did not believe existed. I am a singer, and music to me is as fundamental as breathing. Songs , rhythms and harmonies are simply other ways of communication for me. My first solo stage performance was at the age of six. I can remember with dazzling clarity exactly how I felt that day: the trepidation intermingled with barely-suppressed exhilaration; the taste of anticipation tinged with a warm sense of comfort, like that was where I belonged; the rush of air entering and leaving my lungs in preparation for its imminent task. But above all - joy. I remember these emotions so clearly because I feel the same way each time I step on a stage. Music defines me beyond my extracurricular participation in choir, or playing at concerts, or being co-founder of the Music Society and lead singer of the school band. It gives me the confidence to be myself.

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Great response! The only thing I would say is that the last sentence is a little bland as an ending. Maybe you could end with a fuller/more powerful statement?

Just a suggestion.

Great work! :)
smartanddumber - / 3  
Oct 25, 2011   #3
I agree. I like the way you can incorporate the rather daunting 'SAT' vocabularies like they belong there, and without weighing down your short essay. :)

My suggestion is to leave out this sentence

Music defines me beyond my extracurricular participation in choir, or playing at concerts, or being co-founder of the Music Society and lead singer of the school band.

, or make it shorter, since the admission officer can find it elsewhere, so it leave you some space to expand and improve your last sentence.


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