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"Lao village" ; Williams App / "looking out through the window"


maomao315040 3 / 21 3  
Dec 21, 2012   #1
Imagine looking through a window at any environment that is particularly significant to you. Reflect on the scene, paying close attention to the relation between what you are seeing and why it is meaningful to you. Please limit your statement to 300 words.

"Who has given them pens?"
Embarrassed, I raised my hand.

It was hard to let them down. In a world where refrigerator is a symbol of wealth, all those kids wanted from me were pens, which I had brought plenty.

The village kids were not allowed to enter the house. At night, they fought for space to get a glimpse of happenings inside the room through the window.

I was leaning at the window. The kids were experimenting with self-introduction using the words we taught them during the day; I was struggling to count from one to ten in Lao. We were all laughing hard. Then they started to point at the big goodie bag. They saw us taking out colorful pens, notebooks and stickers from it: to the children in the Lao village, it was a bagful of treasure.

I felt like Santa Claus: the kids looked at me in admiration as I shared some of my own pens amongst them.

"You should not have done it." Sophie, our teacher chaperon, said, "If we gave them once, they would hide the pens and come back for more."

Indeed they did. After I finished my pens, the kids had moved on to look for new playmates.
"The kids may think they can get things every time they ask for them. " Sophie was unusually serious, "That's not happening in life. Giving them pens this way is not going to help them."

Through the two-square-meter open window, the kids and I clapped hands and played simple games. We shared a simple and hard life. For the visitors from Singapore, it was ten days; for them, it might be for a lifetime. As a visitor who cannot be responsible for their future, doing no harm was far more important than satisfying a girl's vanity as a First World resident.
dumi 1 / 6,925 1592  
Dec 22, 2012   #2
After I exhausted my pens, the kids had moved on to look for new playmates.

exhausted? .... I guess "finished" is more appropriate :)

"Do not make them think that they can get it as long as they ask."

"Do not spoil them; they may think they can get them every time they ask for; that's not going to help their future'' .... you can re-phrase this line as you like, but make sure that it lays the foundation for your final message (the one below);

As a visitor who cannot be responsible for their future, doing no harm was far more important than satisfying a girl's vanity as a First World resident.

This is a very sensible sentence; It's a strong and convincing message! :)
OP maomao315040 3 / 21 3  
Dec 22, 2012   #3
THANK YOU VERY MUCH!!

i was worried no one would look at my essay before my final submission!!
Pahan 1 / 1,906 553  
Dec 22, 2012   #4
I felt I was Santa Claus: the kids looked at me in admiration as I brought over some of my own pens and gave to them.

I felt like Santa Claus: the kids looked at me in admiration as I shared some of my own pens amongst them.

I really like your essay. You have a nice style of writing. Keep it up. :)
dumi 1 / 6,925 1592  
Dec 22, 2012   #5
i was worried no one would look at my essay before my final submission!!

:D ... Well, I wouldn't abandon you :D ... sometimes, they get stuck in the unanswered section .
Also;

I WILL HELP WITH YOURS TOO !!!

... hope you keep your promise once you submit your application :D

I think what you've written is really good. Wish you good luck!
OP maomao315040 3 / 21 3  
Dec 22, 2012   #6
thanks for the encouragement. good luck with yours too! I am looking at yours :)
ylimewc 3 / 8 2  
Dec 23, 2012   #7
Love your beginning 2 lines, great start

In a world where refrigerator is a symbol of wealth, all those kids wanted from me were pens, which I had brought plenty.

"...where the refrigerator..." "...pens. I had brought plenty." Just for clarity

I was leaning at the window. The kids were experimenting with self-introduction using the words we taught them during the day; I was struggling to count from one to ten in Lao

"As I leaned against the window, the kids experimented with..." "I struggled to count..."

two-square-meter

"two square-meter" i think

Also, some of the ":"s used should be "."s instead. For example, "...Santa Claus. The kids..." or "Santa Claus; the kids..."

Santa Claus: the kids

Sounds awesome for the most part!
OP maomao315040 3 / 21 3  
Dec 23, 2012   #8
ylimewc
thanks for your help! I am applying to cornell too. maybe I will see each other on campus next year :)

merry christmas :)


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