I've been working on many essays at the times, trying to figure out which one is more like me and more appropriate. I am in a bad shape because none of them quite stands out. So please give me some feedback on all of my essays (if you guys have some spare time and bored) so I could kindda convey some ideas. Thanks a lot. =]
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If today was my last day, I am indeed throwing it away to write up this essay to a person who I'll never meet, to whom this essay might be just another cliche piece of writing to put on the R(ejected) pile. But I presume, life is more than successes or failures; it is a given adventure that one could only live once. So I ask myself: How would I live it?
The "last day" is just a hypothetical situation. I assure you that I have no intention to commit suicide, for I believe it is the most idiotic thing to do. Everybody says that one only has one life, so live it right, and giving up so soon is not a wise way I reckon. Now, if only one day was left, how should I live it? Eighty six thousand four hundred seconds, one thousand four hundred and forty four minutes, twenty- four hours, one day. I thought I needed a plan for every second, so I wouldn't waste any. Then I think about my life, which is nothing more than just a day in the time frame of mankind's existence. Then it hit me, how could I be sure I would make no mistakes in the attempt of doing anything? I was afraid to ruin my only chance because I thought and knew too much. I didn't want to step forward, because I didn't want to fall. I had always been chasing after a so-called meaningful life, which must reach some certain criteria (set by whom I am clueless about) and forgot occasionally who I was and what I was living for. In my dreams, I longed for Mozart's passion for music, I wanted to be in love blindly like Romeo and Juliet. Once in my life I wanted to feel something so utter, so strong that I could make the world fade away and just live. Yet, I was scared to let my only chance flow with some fantasies that might not exist, to walk into the darkness with no instructions. I was scared to live.
But, "Always and never are two words you should always remember never to use" (Wendell Johnson). I can never be the next Mozart. Wrong. The norms are always right. Totally wrong. One could not know how to live right without failures. Even though I'm not the smartest, brightest, or whatever kids with incredibly high IQs are called nowadays, I believe my achievements are, too, valuable. I remember the first time I skated, I fell until bruises on my knees could be seen from fifty meters away, literally, to skate two meters without falling. Every time I failed, I stood up to try once more. What would it be if I didn't try, what if I was afraid of not being able to skate? I would always stand look at those successful skaters and ask: "What if I tried?" I am telling you, I live to create my own history, either to be remembered or not. My life is not comparable, because no one could ever have a life that is better, or to be precise, similar to mine in any way. To write this, I sat down and thought through my whole life and its meaning like I never did (maybe I never really did) and concluded that my life is more than just an essay or going to college. It's hidden in the numbness when I see homeless kids in the street begging for money, the happiness of seeing my one-year-old cousin learning her first step, or listening to her first word; the crazy sleep-over with insane painted-faces...Someone once said one's life has no meaning at all, and I decide it is me who gives mine one.
For one true fact, I could never know that "today" beforehand. In fact, no one does. I do not want any moment for regret, asking the "What if" questions. To get what I want I have to go out there and try to grab it. Failures don't mean my life's over, it teaches me determination and having faith in what I do. It could happen that I'll get accepted to all universities and colleges in my list and won't be there to yell in tears of excitement, or I'll get rejected by all and begin walk on another direction. Maybe colleges and universities are not where I belong, but it would not hurt to find out, would it?
reallly interesting essay!
just correct some diction error
such as "Suceeeds" to success
and "human time's range" to "the time frame of mankind's existence"
HOws the idea and the coherence of the whole? U kindda see my stream of thought? =] is the idea clear enough?^^
This one is fascinating! Great job...
The "last day" is just a hypothesis hypothetical situation . I assure you that I have no intention to commit suicide, for I believe it is the most idiotic thing to do. Everybody tells us that one only has one life, to live it right, and to giving up your life so soon is not a wise way to proceed. I reckon.
Here is a way to use dashes:
My life is not comparable, because no one could ever have a life that is better, or -- to be precise -- similar to mine in any way. Admissions officer, you have total control over my folder, the option to give me the R, because of your own way of defining a person through just five hundred words (it might be longer in this, sorry), you have little right to tell anyone their personality is a mess, their lives are nothing but boredom and I hope your intuition will tell you about my potential.
Someone told me that this one is kindda risky and it does offense the admission officer somehow. Is that the sentence u fixed?
Im not so sure if this one is personal enough, I got some advice that I should put down some concrete personal life experiences? should I? ^^"
I really love your first para. It is so fascinating.
Admission officers are way too bored by all the "typical" essays ( I do include mine ). Don't worry about offending any of them too much. Yes, it's pretty informal, but they're going to end up delighted and fascinated, 'cause it's really original and witty.
Go for it =)
I assume this comm app essay topic is one of your own choice (i.e. no prompt.) If so, as an admissions officer, I would need to know more about YOU via specific examples. A lot of the essay is your evaluation of yourself, your originality, etc. It may be more convincing quoting what others think of you. Also, I think you are missing an opportunity to make a good impression with your close (see my personal reaction in CAPS:)
For one true fact, I could never know that "today" beforehand. Maybe I'll get accepted to all universities and colleges in my list and won't be there to yell in tears of excitement, may be I'll get rejected by all and live on with disappointment. So with the knowledge that today might be my last day, why am I continuing to squeeze all of my neurons to convince you I could play my essay well enough to get a spot into this university (college)? Because if one day was all I had, I wouldn't want it to be known or planned out. I want to live to the fullest, and today I decided to write an essay and to take a risk. I WOULD NOT TRIVIALIZE THIS IF GETTING INTO THE COLLEGE U ARE APPLYING TO IS IMPORTANT ENOUGH TO WRITE AN ESSAY. I am just curious if I am ready for the big step, or if you are ready for me. And discovering and babbling about myself is the most fun activity ever. Thanks for the opportunity!
I don't reallie get your personal reaction at the end :D Its not that Im trying to deny it or anything, but if you're kind enough, can you explain more. I know this one has tons of flaws. I think I'll just cut out the part addressing MR. Ad Officer. It sounds awkward standing there.
Im trying to put my own experience in the essay, but I've never thought of quoting what others think of me, maybe I can try that too.
Thanks a lot guys, truly, I'll get going on fixing my essay. And think of a prompt. =D
Your essay's opening and theme is intriguing. I would like to find out more about you but still don't get a clear impression by the non sequitor ending. I'll try to demonstrate with a few examples of what you wrote and suggest ways to make your essay more than circuitous self-debate:
1) Even though I'm not the smartest, brightest, or whatever kids with incredibly high IQs are called nowadays, I believe my achievements are too valuable. GIVE EXAMPLES - EXACTLY WHAT ACHIEVEMENTS are TOO VALUABLE TO YOU.I am telling you, I live to create my own history, either to be remembered or not. My life is not comparable, because no one could ever have a life that is better, or to be precise, similar to mine in any way. YOU ARE STATING THE OBVIOUS HERE UNLESS YOU EXPLAIN WHY...
2) To write this, I sat down and thought through my whole life and its meaning like I never did (maybe I never really did) and concluded that my life is more than just an essay or going to college. YOU ARE LEADING UP TO A CLIMAX AS YOU HAVE JUST THOUGHT THROUGH YOUR WHOLE LIFE AND ITS MEANING. YOU CONCLUDE IT IS MORE THAN A ESSAY. BUT THE SENTENCE THAT FOLLOWS JUST GIVES SOME EXAMPLES OF HAPPINESS AND SADNESS. TRY WRITING WHAT YOU CONCLUDED ABOUT YOUR MEANING OF LIFE It has my experiences of the numbness when I see homeless kids in the street begging for money, the happiness of seeing my one-year-old cousin learning her first step, or listening to her first word; the crazy sleep-over with insane painted-faces... They paint my life with colors.
I think you are spouting nonsense. You are trying to be profound but saying nothing. Write about something that actually matters to you.
Haha, yeah, maybe, I didn't think much about these issues until I actually sat down and wrote it you kno. Maybe it means nothing to you after all, but I do think they're valuable to me in some ways, its just my expressing skill sucks so bad I could not deliver it well.
I'm working on fixing it, thanx you guys a lot. Reallie ^^
I fixed mine, with all of your advices put in considerations, hope you guys have sometime to proofread it. I have a clearer insight on what I am writing, thans a lot for making me think it over gain. =]
I don't think you should use the work "reckon." I think it is not really used in modern times.
If today was my last day, I would indeed be throwing it away by spending it to write this essay to a person who I'll never meet, to whom this essay might be just another cliche piece of writing to put on the R(ejected) pile. But I presume, life is more than successes or failures; it is a given adventure that one could only live once. So I ask myself: How would I live it?
I scratched out the part where you plant that suggestion about the Reject pile. Don't talk about it. They might feel manipulated, like they don't want to let your sly reference to the admission/rejection process to have brainwashed them in some way... it is just... better to keep that sentence short. It is a smart, excellent observation! I agree that it would be a waste of a day to spend it writing this essay, ha ha.
Haha, yeah, I want to be honest, writing this is just killing me =]] but I could not vent my frustration here, everyone goes through the same process. Yeah, that sentence is more of a complaint, I'll cut it out. =D
muahaha, thanx, I have another one. =.= My friend tole me this one has no central point at all. =[ but Im working on fixing all my essays, the I'll pick the best out. I hope. =]
If anyone could give me advice on the overall Idea it'd be great ;P
I think a powerful way to start would be this:
Eighty six thousand four hundred seconds; one thousand four hundred and forty four minutes; twenty-four hours, one day. I thought I needed...
At the end of the essay, you could mention the fact that, for example, a typiocal human life only lasts about nine hundred months... and that will give theme of time passing, and you wanting to live without regrets. Suddenly, you start to feel inspired! Write!
Hey, never thought of that to open, I might start on dat. ^^ Thanx for the suggestion =]
Can I set "If today was your last day" a song by Nickelback as my topic, is it ok? as an inspiration ^^
I don't understand. Are you asking iff it is okay to tell them that your inspiration for this essay comes from Nickelback? Maybe it is okay, but maybe it would actually be more impressive if you did not limit it that way. This is your own creation, so maybe you should not bring the band into it, because it doesn't mean as much to the reader as it means to you.
I love Nickelback!
No, I mean for the prompt. May I set dat, but I think Ima go with the Cloudhouse =] I love that one too much to bear. I don't know if I could recycle this one for any other essays.
Actually this song is the only song I know of Nickelback =P
Oh.. yes, well recycling essay material is just fine. They are all your words. The thing to avoid is to recycle as a matter of cutting corners. Instead, recycle ideas in order to refine them.
I think it is okay as your topic. The most important rule I tell people, though, is to present yourself as though you are certain about your career path -- that way, the admissions people will want you to be able to proceed with your life plan.
