Everyday was the same. Wake up at 6AM, go to school, come home, do homework, study, play around, and sleep. For the first 2 years of high school, I felt that I didn't have a purpose in life, and when I thought about my future, I felt I would be so unprepared that I'd have to rely on my parents my whole life. However, all of this changed, starting from my junior year. I felt that if I didn't change who I was, I would end up no better than a homeless person in the streets. I hated anything that required hard work. One day, my mom read me a newspaper article about a boy that barely did well in his first few years of high school, but did well in his last year and ended up as a prosecutor. I thought to myself, if I were to start doing well, and be active in my community, would I be able to become a dentist? I felt hope and decided to change my attitude towards the world. I looked forward to the first day of school, and I wanted to make more friends by participating in clubs and activities.
As school progressed, I received better grades and joined many clubs. In the end, when school was almost over, I ran for president of Student Council. Although I did not win the run, the experience was a great lesson.
By my senior year, due to the grades I received in my junior year, I was able to get into all 6 of the 6 AP courses I applied for. However, because some of the classes did not fit in with my schedule, I had to get rid of three courses, AP Chemistry, Physics, and Government and Politics. At first, I thought I was able to handle the new level of studies, but unfortunately, I found that I was not as ready as I thought. I found two of the three courses very difficult, due to the different method of teaching. Instead of posting notes on the projector, we were given lectures and notes.
Although my studies weren't going as well as I wanted, my involvement in the community and school increased dramatically. I volunteered at Cooper University Hospital as a nurse assistant and I became the Vice-President of the Science Club, the General Secretary of the Math Club, an officer of the World of Difference Club and a peer leader of the Transition Project.
Everyday, I look back at how I hated to be social, and how I always said no to things. As I changed, I started saying yes to many things, such as hanging out, volunteering, helping teachers and parents, and even teaching my best friend's little brother algebra. I thank myself for changing and I look at everyday with optimism. By working a little harder, and adjusting to the new level of studies, I believe that I will become a dentist.
I think that it is always great to write at least a few sentences about how what you have learned or experienced will affect your contribution to the school you are applying for.
I'm applying to columbia as well so good luck. Maybe I'll see you there!
Thanks! Yeah MAYBE haha
However, all of this changed, starting from my junior year.
Harsh on yourself! Wow, but honestly it shows growth... Excellent =]
I am unsure of this whole section, it sounds as though you are trying to explain deficiencies and doesn't shed a good light on you, I would eliminate it. Sorry =/
By my senior year, due to the grades I received in my junior year, I was able to get into all 6 of the 6 AP courses I applied for. However, because some of the classes did not fit in with my schedule, I had to get rid of three courses, AP Chemistry, Physics, and Government and Politics. At first, I thought I was able to handle the new level of studies, but unfortunately, I found that I was not as ready as I thought. I found two of the three courses very difficult, due to the different method of teaching. Instead of posting notes on the projector, we were given lectures and notes.
Perhaps If you included some more details about growth rather than WHY you didn't do as well as you hoped...
Hope this helps some =]
Thank you very much :] I believe you're right ^^
well, you start out as a pretty good opening, but the more I read the more I became kind of boring.
However, all of this changed, starting my junior year. (I think it's senior rather than junior)
first of all, you didn't exactly say how you have changed you attitude toward things. your essay is like cooking, I told you how to mix the ingredients and suddenly, booon, the cake is ready. Get that? This is the feeling I have when reading your first paragraph.
Your second paragraph, what is the new method of learning? why are you implementing it? how was the failure a good lesson for you?
last paragraph, I would change "Everyday, I look back at how I hated to be social, and how I always said no to things. As I changed, I started saying yes to many things, such as hanging out, volunteering, helping teachers and parents, and even teaching my best friend's little brother algebra." to Everyday, I look back at how I hated to be social, and how I always said no to things. As I changed, I started saying yes to many things. There's no need for all the examples, you may list one or two, but more looks just not so nice.
and one very important thing that you did not mention is how you became interested in dentist or columbia, I mean i don't know the topic, but when it comes to this kind of college essays, it's always helpful to say a little about your intended major or the school, (that's what i think anyway)
angela
