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I am the last of 6 siblings who went to college. This is dream my transfer essay

Jzuniga 1 / -  
Feb 4, 2018   #1

the statement of purpose will provide an opportunity to explain any extenuating circumstances

The past year I was faced with many hardships that I never expected to face. They included my dad being diagnosed with cancer, my aunt suddenly dying, my life changing in a matter of days. In the fall I was supposed to attend University of Texas, however with the news of my dad having cancer everything changed, I postponed my admission University of Texas and enrolled into Lonestar community college. This was one of the hardest decisions to make because all throughout high school the plan was to get into a four-year university and leave home, and at the very last second everything changes. I then proceeded to attend Lonestar community college and it was much different than I expected it was rather small and quiet, however I acclimated quickly and decided to make the best of the situation at hand. Then in November my aunt suddenly died and it sent a massive ripple amongst our family and just when everything seemed to get better it all fell apart and went back to square one. It felt as if everything was falling down and I couldn't do anything about it, I began questioning, "why is this all happening?" Then I read something in a book that made me think that things could be a lot worse than they already are, what I read was "there is always a light at the end of the tunnel". I began to ask myself what my light was, and it took me a while to think of what exactly it was and then I finally stumbled on it, it was to make a better future for myself and to keep moving forward and to try and gain admittance into one of the best schools in the nation. This past year was one of the most difficult years in my young life especially psychologically because it felt as if I was handling so many responsibilities at once especially after my dad was diagnosed with cancer. However, there were some positives things that came out of this grueling year, I made myself mentally stronger and mature. At first when I was told that I much more mature and mentally stronger I did not understand what they meant but then I began to see the slight changes that I was making in my life and I was making better decisions and reacting to major decisions with more poise and determination than before. Also with mental strength school came with much less stress and I was able to handle assignments, projects, exams much better. Now I believe that the sky is the limit for me because this past year taught so much and one of those things were that academically I have never had this much success and put myself in a positive position. When I first saw everything pile up I was confused and asked "why me?" but now I look back and I say "why not?" because now I feel like everything is come much easier due to these invaluable life experiences that made me grow as a person and will forever change me, and when I think of these experiences I will thank them for making me the person that I will be in the very near future.ement of purpose will provide an opportunity to explain any extenuating circumstances that you feel could add value to your application.
Holt - / 7,651 1998  
Feb 5, 2018   #2
Junior, this statement of purpose is just you typing up words as the thoughts come to your mind but you haven't really decided on what path that discussion is to take. You are going around in circles in this essay, not really focusing on the purpose of the statement. The focus of this statement should only point to the following, related topics:

1. I was set to attend University of Texas to major in XXX
2. My father was diagnosed with cancer soon after I was admitted to UT.
3. I had to postpone my UT attendance in favor of the cheaper Lonestar Community College in order to free up funds for my father's treatment.

4. During this time, I constantly worked on developing myself for one purpose, eventually being admitted as a student to UT again.
5. Lessons learned from your father's illness, what your role became in the family, how you responded to it and why these events better prepared you for attendance at UT.

6. Indicate your father has recovered and you are looking forward to continuing your life passions again.
Moony2136 - / 3 3  
Feb 9, 2018   #3
Be careful of trying too hard to make your essay a full feature-length film of your life. The best way to avoid this is by organizing your essay in a manner that excludes any extraneous details that aren't relevant to the topic. You have a great message, but it's difficult to find out what it is because of all of the "clutter" around it. The committee may not be patient enough to look for it. One example of how to organize the paper, not necessarily the only way, is to begin by introducing your father's diagnosis, and your subsequent withdrawal. Then, introduce how you coped with the reality of your situation at Lonestar. Then you can close with your goals for the future, and how UT can help you get there. Good luck!

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