I choose topic of my choice in Common Application and use a distinctive style.In this essay I highlight one characteristic:to be different.Please give me some advice.Thanks!
I wonder whether it is appropriate to use this style in an academic essay.Please help!
At the night of September 20th 2008, I finished watching Late Show with David Letterman. With the nameless happiness and excitement, called by Nox and Morpheus*, I fell asleep...
( 23:00 PM , 09.20.20??, CBS channel )
David Letterman: Good evening, ladies and gentlemen. I think you are all familiar with Gamepedia---the union of encyclopedia and online-game, which leads to the new age of education and entertainment. And now I'm honored to give you its inventor and designer. Here's the lovely the lively Chaoli Sun!
Chaoli Sun: Hi, Dav! Like my game---
(Chaoli trips over the stage and throws himself on David)
David: (holding Chaoli) Wow, seriously I've never ever seen a greeting like this; you are distinctive!
Chaoli: America is always full of passion, even the floor wants to kiss me.
David: So how's your trip?
Chaoli: Good, the airhostess was hot! Have you been to China before?
David: No, but I wish. Where do you suggest me to go?
Chaoli: Mm...HUANGSHAN---the most beautiful place in China with lovely mountains! I've been there before. But I suggest you not take the usual way.
David: What does that mean?
Chaoli: All tourists taking a trip in Chinese mountains are walking on steps---that's the usual way. But here's my trip: I was with my friends. When we were at the waist of the mountain, I got lost when I was chasing a squirrel for a picture. But I wasn't panic at all, because I believed that "All roads lead to Rome" and that I could get to the top in another way that no one else has tried. So I crossed the streams, climb the lianas, got on the rocks...and finally I reached the top, with pride and excitement. You know, the feeling of climbing is totally different from that of walking; let alone the incredible scenery you could watch. Thereafter I never took steps when I traveled to a mountain.
David: But that's dangerous! What if you were at my age!
Chaoli: I know, but being afraid misses beauty. If you want to see what others can't see, you have to take risk.
David: Not if I shield my nose first.
David: Do people usually like to work with you? Since you like to risk?
Chaoli: Oh, actually I'm a little cautious when I'm working. I have my way.
David: Such as?
Chaoli: When I was working for Students in Free Enterprise in 19, a patent inventor that my team was helping with had a problem in her rain boot manufacture. One night my team was having a meeting discussing it, and someone said we should find investor first while another one suggested we make a market research first...I was just sitting there saying nothing, you know why?
David: You were a slob.
Chaoli: No! I was criticizing their opinions in my mind, capturing the flaws. I usually gave my opinion later than others, but what I said was different from anybody's view and was always the most appropriate solution.
David: They must hate you.
Chaoli: No, they admired me.
David: Then what kind of people do you admire?
Chaoli: Oh, I admire Robert Frost for his word: "Two roads diverged in the wood, and I took the one less travelled by..." I adore Thomas Edison---first man brings light to night. I like Bill Gates---first man creates widespread useful software. I appreciate Wright brothers---first guys able to kiss clouds...
David: Then you must love Titanic---first ship dared to hit iceberg.
David: So let's talk about Gamepedia. how did you come up with an idea of inventing such a weird stuff that captures endless hearts?
Chaoli: I...(raises two eyebrows)
David: When did you start to think about it?
Chaoli: 19 yeas old. You know, I used to be crazy about online-game. Online-game was a warm port for teenagers who were all at sea, but it was depravity after all. Fortunately I finally got rid of what I'm unwilling to abandon. But I wouldn't let it go in vain. I mean, I've figured out my defects from people's scorn, I've changed pop-can into birdseed container, I've got inspiration of poem from a refusal of a girl when I asked her for a dance...Any tiny thing around us, even failure, has its value; we can benefit something from it. And one night after over-drinking, bang! "Why not change games?" "Who says that game players could have fun only through fight?" And the idea was born!
David: What did you drink? Tell me by stealth! (stretches his head)
David: Is it toilsome generating the whole unprecedented thing?
Chaoli: Of course! Somebody teased me, somebody discouraged me, and somebody induced me to a high-salary job...
David: Mm...I heard that you used to preside at piano in high school?
Chaoli: Uh-huh.
David: And you also won prizes in the speech, animation design, and basketball game around that time?
Chaoli: That's right.
David: So many talents you have! Then why did you stick with a crazy idea? Why did you choose the way that you couldn't see the future as your future?
Chaoli: Have you ever seen a rocket turning around?
David: Yeah, in Bizarro World. (pauses for seconds) Okay, I haven't.
Chaoli: So, in spite of unpredictable black hole or supernovae explosions ahead, a rocket goes straightly; it takes its own path. All I want to be is such a rocket. Once I retrofire, every issue is as thin as tissue.
David: Well, good job! Congratulations!
Chaoli: Thank you very much!
David: Good to see you!
Chaoli: Always a pleasure!
David: My pleasure! Chaoli Sun, everybody!
(clapping)
Opening my eyes, I can still hear the clapping----oh, it's heavily raining outside---a piece of lightning lacerates stifling clouds with roaring thunderclap. But I am thrilled. Because a new dawn is on its own way .And so is my dream, which I fervently believe.
*Nox: the primordial goddess of the night in Greek mythology
Morpheus: the principal god of dreams in the Greek mythology
Postscript - Unlike probably most Chinese students or possibly even students in your college I am not interested by college as a means to make more money in my career. I want to go to college so that I am prepared to go out into life fully prepared and equipped so that I can make my contributions to society supported by a sound education. That is why I want to go to college and that is why I am asking you to view my whole application with open minds and open hearts. From my side I can give you my fullest assurances that I will make your college more colorful and proud to have had me as a student, proud to have me as an alumni.
If you want to use this format, perhaps you should prepare the reader with an introductory paragraph. In my own opinion, I think you should try to convey the same story in normal, paragraph form. You are very creative, and the reader will know that about you no matter what form you choose.
Here are some suggestions:
Opening my eyes, I can still hear the clapping----oh, it is heavily raining outside---a blade of lightning lacerates stifling clouds with roaring thunderclap. But I am thrilled. A new dawn is on the horizon, and so is my dream, in which I fervently believe.
In the postscript, remove this phrase: Unlike probably most Chinese students or possibly even students in your college. Instead, just write:
I am not interested by college as a means to make more money in my career. I want to go to college so that I am prepared to go out into life fully prepared and equipped so that I can make my contributions to society supported by a sound education. That is why I want to go to college and that is why I am asking you to view my whole application with open minds and open hearts. From my side I can give you my fullest assurances that I will make your college more colorful and proud to have had me as a student, proud to have me as an alumni.
Thank you very much!And I've taken your advice that try to convey the same story in normal, paragraph form.Please comment on it.Thanks again!
Evaluate a significant experience, achievement, risk you have taken, or ethical dilemma you have faced and its impact on you.
Someday I would talk to David Letterman
I've figured out my defects from people's scorn, I've changed pop-can into birdseed container, I've got inspiration for poem from a refusal of a girl when I asked her for a dance...No tiny thing around me could go in vain; because I'm not just satisfied with absorbing facts and figures or producing academic clones. And I believe that everything, even failure, has its value, and we can benefit from it.
I used to be crazy about online-game at 19 yeas old. Being all at sea like lots of teenagers, I took online-game as a warm port. Fortunately, with the help of my parents, I got rid of this depravity in two month. But I didn't just forget this shamed experience; instead, I started to think about it in another way: "I'm already fine, but how about the others addicted to games?" "Why not change games?" "Who says that game players could have fun only through fight?" "Can people benefit from games while playing it?"... Then I recalled a fact that most people rely too much on "google" without thinking and they turn to "wikipedia" only as soon as necessary. Bang! Something called "gamepedia" blew up in my head.
To say it precisely, "gamepedia" is and union of encyclopedia and online-game; it makes people learn while having fun. The success of this system is the new age of education and entertainment. I was sacred by this unprecedented idea myself. I didn't tell my parents at once for they might laugh at my high-flown reverie again. I shared it with my team mates in SIFE(Students in Free Enterprise). To my surprise, they negated me directly. They were my general supporters because what I said was different from anybody's view and was always the most appropriate solution. I asked why, and they said: "You have so many talents: piano, speech, animation design... why stick with a crazy idea? Why choose the way that you can't see the future?" I became dumb. They were right. Lack of information technology, ignorance of psychology, blank of market research... I did can't see the future. However, it doesn't mean I'd fail. I remember the time I traveled in mount HUANGSHAN.I got lost when I was chasing a squirrel for a picture. But I wasn't panic at all, because I believed there must be another way to the top that no one else had tried. So I crossed the streams, climbed the lianas, got on the rocks...and finally I made it with pride and excitement. The feeling of climbing was totally different from that of walking; let alone the incredible scenery I'd seen. Thereafter I never took steps when I traveled to a mountain. Being afraid misses beauty. If I want to see what others can't see, I must take risk!
Making sure the idea was no some kind of impulsion after over-drinking, I think of some famous people I admire most: Robert Frost with his word: "Two roads diverged in the wood, and I took the one less travelled by...", Thomas Edison---first man brings light to night, Bill Gates---first man creates widespread useful software, Wright brothers---first guys able to kiss clouds...And me, Chaoli Sun---will I be the first man to combine education and entertainment? I don't know. What I know is that all I want to be is a rocket---despite unpredictable black hole or supernovae explosions ahead, I go forward straightly in my own path. And once I retrofire, every issue is as thin as tissue.
Nothing is impossible. Although this idea is hypothetical yet, I'll stick it out. And I have a dream---someday I would talk to David Letterman about my success on Late Show.
The clock just strikes twice in the small hours---it is dark and heavily raining outside---a blade of lightning lacerates stifling clouds with roaring thunderclap. But I am thrilled. A new dawn is on the horizon, and so is my dream, in which I fervently believe.
Postscript - I am not interested by college as a means to make more money in my career. I want to go to college so that I am prepared to go out into life fully prepared and equipped so that I can make my contributions to society supported by a sound education. That is why I want to go to college and that is why I am asking you to view my whole application with open minds and open hearts. From my side I can give you my fullest assurances that I will make your college more colorful and proud to have had me as a student, proud to have me as an alumni.
Good, I like it. However, there is a chance that the admissions person who reads this would really appreciate the unique approach you originally took. My intuition tells me that it is better to use the paragraph form, though, especially after seeing it.
Go with your own intuition, but my opinion is that it will have more success this way.
i dont know if i would go with that style. maybe change it up to less of a conversation piece
please read mine due tonight
