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'a law to The Ministry of Magic' - Tufts Supplement

doctorgirl222 4 / 7  
Jan 3, 2012   #1
Prompt: Celebrate your Nerdy side

This is an optional essay, so aside from gramatical errors or sentace structuring, is it good enough of an idea to send in? word count: 476

I, Alex Nierlich, Mayor of Dumbletown, do hereby propose a law to The Ministry of Magic which would render the eleventh of June to be Albus Percival Wulfric Brian Dumbledore Day. Even long after the tragic death of our hero, his words of wisdom continue to give inspiration to the youth of our Wizarding World.

Albus Dumbledore is no novice when it comes to love. He knows that love is not defined by a relationship status on Facebook, or a marriage certificate from City Hall, something that our civilized society has failed to grasp thus far. He recognizes that the most powerful love is the kind that lies unspoken, expressing itself with actions rather than meaningless words. For any doubters of Dumbledore's theory, the wickedest sorcerer in history, He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named, was not destroyed because Harry Potter presented him with a marriage certificate. Harry defeated him because he possessed a love inside his soul that Voldemort knew nothing of. Clearly, Dumbledore's advanced wisdom regarding love saved half the Wizarding World.

"It takes a great deal of courage to stand up to our enemies, but a great deal more to stand up to our friends". What a wise man! How many times have we, as humans, been quick to call out the mistakes of those we detest, yet suddenly turn a blind eye when the same mistakes are made by loved ones? Albus Dumbledore is the perfect poster boy for the courage needed to stand up to friends. When he was seventeen, he became the best of friends with Gellert Grindelwald. Unfortunately, Grindelwald showed his true colors shortly afterward when his obsession for "Wizard Domination" resulted in an argument that killed Albus' sister, Ariana. Dumbledore ignored Grindelwald's evil actions overseas because he was afraid to fight with someone he had loved. Finally, he had to muster the courage to stand up to his old friend and show him that killing people was not okay. Dumbledore lead by example and defeated Grindelwald in 1945, locking him in prison for life. Dumbledore showed great bravery by once again saving the Wizarding World at a great personal cost.

Dumbledore was a brilliant and courageous man, yet still was humble and relatable. He exhibits qualities that every man and woman should aspire to possess. For this reason, we should honor Albus Dumbledore every June eleventh. This holiday would mandate that everyone eat Dumbledore's favorite jam (raspberry of course) for breakfast and finish the day with a lemon drop- his favorite muggle candy. Furthermore, everyone in the country will be given a new pair of socks because as Dumbledore once said, "one can never have enough socks". I thank you for taking this new holiday into consideration. Please contact me on the progress of this law proposal and I will present to you all of my ideas for Albus Percival Wulfric Brian Dumbledore Day.

janeth 3 / 16  
Jan 3, 2012   #2
the wickedest or most wicked???
and why not murder was not okay instead of not killing people was okay
in some way i get the fact that you are separating humans from wizards in the context you weren't
at what a wise man!how many times have we as humans,been called
i think we as humans should go
It's a beautiful topic it sure goes with the title..i'm not sure if your language is purposeful but if it is meant to be relaxed i think you pretty much did it.

PS;couldn't you ask them to take the new holiday bill(i think that's what they call an unpassed law) into consideration instead of thanking them??

twizzlestraw 12 / 95  
Jan 5, 2012   #3
I really like the introduction. The middle begins to sound a bit book reportish. One of the things a dean of admissions at my college always says is that the admissions essay is their chance to really get to know the applicant, and she says its a shame to read an entire essay and learn nothing about the person. This essay is creative, but it doesn't say anything about you, you don't even share your personal opinion of love. Perhaps, you could go into a time when this definition helped you overcome understand something in your life. However, this is just a supplemental paper, and it does show that you are creative. If you feel you common app essay really tells a lot about you as an individual. Don't sweat it. I liked it overall.

Please read mine :)
shereen85 - / 3  
Jan 8, 2012   #4
As a fellow Harry Potter fan, I LOVE your essay!
its extremely unique would definitely stand out but i agree with the guys up there ^
you should put something about how you feel or how this impacted you?!
something like that.
but seriously give yourself a pat on the back i adore this essay!

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