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There were many layers to the environment that I was brought up in. Apply Texas Essay


Azan  
Jul 23, 2018   #1
- I can't think of anything else to add to the essay. Apply Texas' recommended word limit for an essay is between 500 and 750 and my essay is about 442 words.

Prompt:

What was the environment in which you were raised?


Describe your family, home, neighborhood, or community, and explain how it has shaped you as a person.


There were many layers to the environment that I was brought up in and each have had their fair share of impact on the person I've become today. Being raised as the second son in my family, I grew up in a rather protective environment where I was subjected to some extra affection and care. However, this always came at the cost of being compared to my elder brother who is the ultimate definition of an alpha male-a gym junky, outgoing and equally sociable. I on the other hand am rather docile and an inherently shy person. To be able to accept my personality and thrive with it despite being constantly reminded of the glaring contrasts in my brother's personality and mine has always been a struggle for me. Nonetheless, over the years and with great empathy, I've found in me the compassion to appreciate and love these differences. I love my brother unconditionally, and I am indeed proud that I've been able to retain my own introversion in a world that constantly favors and prefers extroverts. To accept this side of me has been proven to be a challenge ever since I was a child since my mother has been the co-curricular activity in charge at my school for over 2 decades-giving hundreds of students the chance and confidence to speak on stage. Yet, her own son always preferred the backstage. In her eyes, I could always see the desire to see me in the limelight and become one of her prodigies-and naturally so I would say. I've often also felt disappointed for not being interested in being one, but it is not without perplexing introspections that I've accepted the fact that my life cannot and will not be a product of someone else's expectations. I have my own capabilities and interests that I am proud of and I've worked excessively hard in those aspects to do my mother and the rest of my family proud.

Growing up in Nepal as a Muslim meant being the ethnic minority. I consider myself fortunate to have grown up at a time when Nepal was just transitioning into democracy which also meant that I had the chance to see it transition into being a secular country. This has had a huge impact on me as my family and I've felt more accepted than ever before. This has made me realize the importance of a society that is progressive, tolerant and welcoming. As a result, I have not only become a person who is more accepting of differing views but also someone who takes pride and enjoyment in learning from these differences.

Holt [Contributor] 1595  
Jul 24, 2018   #2
Azan, I think that the reason you fell short in the discussion is because you chose to discuss 3 topics in this essay, with one topic sticking out like a sore thumb. It doesn't belong. The part that I speak of is the second paragraph. You don't have to try to represent all of the topics as presented in the original prompt. Actually, you could have just discussed one of the chosen topics in your essay and built upon that. However, I can see the connection between the 2 topics so I suggest that you better expand on the family and home presentation instead. You can totally omit the community discussion because that part of the essay doesn't really represent you well on a personal basis in the essay.

What you can do is divide the long first paragraph into 2 paragraphs. The first paragraph can be a 250 word discussion of your family. Discuss your parents. Who are they? Where did they come from? What are their hopes and dreams for you? How has their support inspired you to become a good person or achieve things in life? Then the second paragraph can be a 250 word presentation of your sibling relationship with your brother and how he has influenced your life as well. This presents a different angle of your personality, shifting from son, to sibling, to how these influences created your unique personality in the end.

This essay is all about introducing who you are based on the influence of those around you. I can sense a strong family bond and home influence in your earlier presentation that you can better expand on if you skip the community presentation. It doesn't work in the current version of your essay and will definitely not work in the revised version if you follow my suggestions above. It is better to introduce yourself as a person regardless of your race or ethnicity in this instance. The reviewer doesn't care so much about that or he would care, if you had a stronger presentation to support it in the paragraph you wrote. Since it is the weakest part of your essay, in my opinion, it would be better to not present that side at all.
OP Azan  
Jul 24, 2018   #3
Thank you for the advice. I will definitely make the changed you suggested.


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