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"Be a leader, not a follower." - FSU


collegebound93 1 / -  
Oct 17, 2011   #1
PROMPT= Florida State University is more than just a world-class academic institution preparing you for a future career. We are a caring community of well-rounded individuals who embrace leadership, learning, service, and global awareness. With this in mind, which of these characteristics appeal most to you, and why?

The characteristic of leadership interested me most because, for as long as I can remember, I have been constantly taught the importance of leadership. My mother always said, "Be a leader, not a follower." This philosophy has stuck with me throughout my entire life. Thru experience I have learned that with leadership rises great responsibility. A praiseworthy leader holds their head up with integrity and leads by always setting a good example.

Every day we are surrounded by leaders, not only the obvious ones who hold positions such as CEOs of a major companies, military generals, or politicians. We are also surrounded by natural born leaders, those who were born with the characteristic of leadership. Some grow to abuse this gift, but others choose to accept the responsibility and become great leaders. Good leaders are able to naturally inspire and influence others.

Unfortunately, the world we all live in is full of hate, despair, corruption, and the consequences of immoral decisions. The world is in need of strong goodhearted leaders to make an impact and transform the world into a better place for everyone. Educational institutions are wonderful places for leaders to be recognized. After all, college is the place where students learn to make sense of the world and understand their place in it. FSU stands out to me because it is a university that prides itself on its' students who embrace leadership. FSU is encouraging students to work hard towards the future to improve our world.
Manda4564 1 / 4  
Oct 17, 2011   #2
"Every day we are surrounded by leaders, not only the obvious ones who hold positions such as CEOs of a major company , military generals, or politicians."

Your essay is a good start but you should add stronger vocabulary words and word on making your essay go full circle
Also, you should work on your focus and I personally wouldn't talk about how leadership can be a negative thing if i was trying to say that it appealed to me and makes for a good characteristic of a well-rounded student
saxiibo10 3 / 6  
Oct 17, 2011   #3
Your essay is excellent but u need to work on your vocabulary. put quatation mark before every day and after politicans. Talk about how leader ship is positive instead of negative.
dumi 1 / 6,925 1592  
Oct 17, 2011   #4
Thro ugh experience I have learned that with leadership rises great responsibility.

A praiseworthy leader holds theirhis head up with integrity and leads by always setting a good examples .

Everywhereday we are surrounded by leaders, not only the obvious ones who hold positions such as CEOs of a major companies, military generals, or politicians. We are also surrounded by natural born leaders, those who were born with the characteristic of leadership., but with many others who are born leaders in their character.

While I agree with what is said in the previous posts, I think your answer should focus more on why leadership appeals to you ahead of other characteristics.
admission2012 - / 477 90  
Oct 18, 2011   #5
Hello,

Your essay received a computer generated score of 52/100(see photo attachment) and an editor reviewed score of 65/100. We believe that you do not fully answer the prompt. The prompt, in essence, wants you to talk about what is leadership to you(your chosen topic). More specifically what makes a good leader. The best way to handle this type of question is talk about a leader you admire. Then dissect the characteristics that "they" embody, the characteristics that makes them a good leader. Once you have established that, try to link these characteristics to the ones that you currently display and wish to strength as you undertake undergraduate study. We can help you with this. AAO





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